rajy's journal ♥

I'm supposed to be reading for the WPE but can't concetntrate, lol whats new. So i havnt updated this journal in like a year-and dont really plan to update anymore. But I found this survey from back in the day and decided to redo it. I left my old answers there for laughs, lol i was a weird kid. So this is probably the last time i'll ever post to this journal, i'm kinda embarassed of the stuff i put in here. I feel like a totaly different poerson now. I wanna say that iI have changed for the better, and this journal no longer represents who I am. I'm not depressed and i don't hate my life. For the most part, I'm a nomral happy girl, with a prettty bomb life!

+ date: October 3, 2003 12.31.09
+ name: Rajdeep Kaur RAJDEEP KAUR
+ birthday: November 23, 2003 11.23.89
+ school: EHS UMASS BOSTON
+ eyes: brown BROWN
+ hair: Black BLACK
+ height: 5'4'' 5’6”
+ shoe size: 9 9
+ who lives with you: my mommy,daddy,older sis, younger bro MOM, DAD, BROTHER, SISTER
+ when is your bedtime?: wen brian wants it 2 be NO 20 YR OLD SHOULD HAVE A BEDTIME

[HAVE YOU EVER...]
+ flown on a plane: yea YES
+ ever been so drunk you blacked out: no HAHA NO
+ missed school because it was raining: nope YES
+ told a guy/girl that you liked them?: no i could never do that I’M WORKIN ON IT!
+ put a body part on fire for amusement: lol no NO
+ had a crush on a friends girlfriend/boyfriend: no way NO
+ been hurt emotionally: um no THAT’S NORMAL, HASN’T EVERYONE?
+ kept a secret from everyone: hell yeah NO, THEY ALL GET OUT LOL
+ had an imaginary friend: no ive got sexy real ones! NO
+ wanted to hook up with a friend: no none of MY friends NO
+ cried during a movie: no YES, I CRY DURING CLICK EVERYTIME LOL-IT’S A COMEDY
+ been on stage: only 4 those gay singin things in lyk the 3rd r 5th grade NO
+ cut your hair: trimmed YES
+ had a crush on a teacher: no but mr.m...dont no how 2 spell his name...was ded sexee and no karen he was not lyk 50 yrs old either NO & WHO’S MR.M??

[FAVOURITE...]
+ shampoo: ocean breeze suave CHI INFRA SHAMPOO, BIG SEXY HAIR, REDKIN BODY
+ fav colour: midnight blue MIDNIGHT BLUE
+ day/night: night NIGHT
+ summer/winter: winter WINTER
+ lace or satin: satin i guess NEITHER
+ fav movies: Gladiator / Bad Boys II AMERICAN PIE 1&2, EUROTRIP, TALLEDEGA NIGHTS
+ fav drink: pepsi blue PANERA’S ICED GREEN TEA


[RIGHT NOW YOU ARE...]
+ wearing: jeans from kohls n a aerpostatle sweater with a sexy monkey!! AE JEANS & ED HARDY SHIRT
+ eating: rice krispies---homade my mommy made em HAD A CUPCAKE FOR BREAKFAST, ACTUALLY 3 LOL
+ drinking: nuthin NOTHING
+ listening to: someday!!!!!!!! by nickelback DOWN BY JAY SEAN <3


[HAVE YOU ... IN THE LAST 24 HOURS]
+ cried: no NO
+ worn jeans: definetly YES
+ met someone new online: no NO, I’LL PASS ON THE PEDAPHILES.
+ done laundry: thats my mommy's job ACTUALLY YES
+ drove a car: yea i took my ferrari 2 brian's house last night ABSOLUTELY
+ talked on the phone: yea 2 karen this morninright b4 the Someday video came on YES

[DO YOU BELIEVE IN...]
+ yourself: idk I TRY TO!
+ your friends: yea i do YES
+ santa claus: no NO
+ tooth fairy: no NO
+ destiny/fate: yes YES
+ angels: maybe idk NO
+ ghosts: yes IN GENERAL, NO. BUT FOR 24 HOURS AFTER WATCHING GHOST DOCUMENTARIES ON DISCOVERY, YES.
+ UFO’s: no NO
+ God: i guess so YES



[DO YOU HAVE...]
+ a car: yup, I have a ferrarri that I drive to brains! 09 HONDA CIVIC
+ friends: yea i do YES
+ a boyfriend/girlfriend: no WORKING ON IT!
+ a career plan: hahha no I’m sooo lost!!!!! I suck LAW SCHOOL
+ a job: noooo waayyyy nooo thanks YES BUT IT’S THE HOME DEPOT
+ something designer: hahah…. that shits xpensive….that’s not me YYEESSS.
+ a credit card: I just use brains!!!!!!!!  YES.
+ a mp3 player: no I want one!!! YES, THIS SURVEY WAS CREATED BEFORE IPODS LOL


[FRIENDS & LIFE]

+ do you ever wish you had another name? my stupid name that no 1 can say...ummmm....let me think....FUCK YEA!! my na mes made up!! YES, BUT IT’S ME SO I CANT IMAGINE BEING ANYTHING ELSE.
+ do you have a girlfriend/boyfriend? BRIAN!! I’M WORKING ON IT!
+ do you like anyone? No YES =)
+ which one of your friends acts the most like you? karen n me have 1 mind ALICIA
+ which friend have you known the longest? Karen JENN
+ are you close to any family members? No MOM
+ who do you go to for stuff? karen or amanda, or Ashley STUFF? DEPENDS WHAT. PROB AMANDA/JENN
+ who do you hang around the most? my friends are always at band!! AMANDA & JENN
+ what’s the best feeling in the world: wen ur thinkin of brian's blue eyes--omg! HMMM,IDK
+ worst feeling: BSB might not even make another cd with the backstreet boys :(  REJECTION!
.x.My mother thinks I am: the perfect child!!! i just asked her lol SHE THINKS I’M BOMB, OBV.
.x.My father thinks I am: wierd in a cool way---he just sed that LOL UNAPPRECIATIVE, WHATEVS!
.x.My sibling[s] think I am: way way way beyond weird MATERIALISTIC
.x.My grandma thinks I am: very smart and pretty(shez maybe becoming blind) lol jk jk SHEZ THE COOLEST GRANDMA EVER!!!!!!!!!!! gets me anything! HAVNT SEEN HER IN A WHILE, SO IDK
im spoiled with my granparents---i only have grandparents on my mom's side though
.x.My grandpa thinks I am: he died n i never met him but i heard he was great HE’S STILL DEAD
.x.My boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife thinks I am: you c....ive never sctually met my husband Brian HAHA N/A
.x.Your three best qualities?: im nice i guess, i... i dont hav 3 good qualities :( i suck I’M GENUINELY NICE, I’M A GOOD SHOPPER, AND I CAN SLEEP 19 HOURS STRAIGHT.
.x.Three things you are often complimented for?: only 1-my handwriting HANDWRITING, SMILE, AND EYES
.x.A compliment you got that made you blush?: never got 1 of those SANTI SAID I WAS HIS FAVE TO WORK WITH
.x.Youget embarrassed when?: wen ppl i lyk no i lyk em I CANT FORM SENTENCES WHEN TALKING TO JB
.x.What upsets you?: no more backstreet boys and that means no more brian :( MANY THINGS

Yes or No
.x.Keep a diary?: no but i keep a journal! NO
.x.Like to cook?: lol no and my mom duznt lyk the idea of me cookin soon cuz im such a clutz and ill lyk burn the place down or kill sum1 I MADE CUPCAKES LAST NIGHT!
.x.Have a secret you have not shared with anyone?: no NO
.x.Fold your underwear?: no way im lazy YES
.x.Talk in your sleep?: i used 2 NO
.x.Set your watch a few minutes ahead?: yea 5 minutes 10 MINUTES AHEAD
.x.Bite your fingernails?: yea there discusting i hate em! YUP
.x.Believe in love?: yea--BRIAN!!!!!!!!! YES

Last
.x.Movie you rented?: the patriot IDK, PROBABLY THE PATRIOT LOL
.x.Movie you bought?: 8 mile I’M NOT A BIG MOVIE PERSON
.x.Movie you watched?: gladiator AMERICAN PIE
.x.Song you listened to?: im still listening 2 someday by nickelback lol FIREFLIES BY OWL CITY
.x.Song that was stuck in your head?: someday FOREVER BY DRAKE
.x.Song you’ve downloaded?: someday BEDROCK BY JEEZY&LLOYD LOL
.x.CD you bought: Black n Blue—bsb LOVE DRUNK-BOYS LIKE GIRLS <3
.x.CD you listened to?: Let go—avril LOVE DRUNK
.x.Person you’ve called?: nessa MOM
.x.Person that’s called you?: Karen MY BROTHER
.x.TV show you’ve watched?: recess THE OFFICE
.x.Person you were thinking of?: brian JB!
.x.You wish you could live somewhere else?: yea with brian MAYBE NY OR ITALY OR LA
.x.You believe in online dating?: no NO
.x.Others find you attractive?: im ugly n fat ONLY CREEPY MEN
.x.You want more piercings?: yes  YES
.x.You want more tattoos?: i want BRIAN tattooed in the letters of the boston red sox "B" YES
.x.You drink?: no NO
.x.You do drugs?: no NO
.x.You smoke?: no NO
.x.You like cleaning?: no but my mommy duz NO, YOU SHOULD SEE MY ROOM RIGHT NOW HA
.x.You like roller coasters?: yes DEPENDS
.x.You write in cursive or print?: print PRINT

Have You
.x.Ever cried over a boy/girl?: yes OH YES.
.x.Ever lied to someone?: yea YES, BUT NOTHING SERIOUS
.x.Ever been in a fist fight?: with my sister NO
.x.Ever been arrested?: no NO

What

.x.Perfume/cologne do you use?: Clinique---Happy Heart VIVA LA JUICY, ENVY ME GUCCI, CURIOUS
.x.Shoes do you wear?: Pumas my fave CONVERSES OR COACH SHOES OR BOOTS
.x.What are you scared of?: brian nver comin back MY FUTURE

Number
.x.Of times I have been in love?: once brian NEVER
.x.Of times I have had my heart broken?: never really NEVER
.x.Of hearts I have broken?: none HAHA NONE
.x.Of girls I have kissed?: none! NO THANK YOU
.x.Of people I consider my enemies?: 0 JUST ONE
.x.Of CDs that I own?: idk MANY
.x.Of times my name has appeared in the newspaper?: idk i dont read the paper NEVER
.x.Of things in my past that I regret?: 1- i regret eatin soooo much cuz Im fat n i hate it HMM, IDK

I only come to this LJ to pracrastinate. I have to write a 5 paper on Ronald Reagan, and he his the most uninteresting person evverrr. What's new since I last updated, which was back in september...Well, I def. don't like that jerk santi anymore. That was horrible, it wasn't even fun while it lasted. The only good moment I had with him was training. And he's not the same person anymore. But he still makes me extremely nervous. I saw him in the library today as I was waiting for the class before to get out and I totaly was ready to skip class so I didn't have to face him. I honestly felt nauseous, like I do like 5 minutes before I have a presentation. I don't know why he has this effect on me!


So back in July I posted:
"I really like all the people I work with. There's a cutie in flooring. He's more my type than ricky martin lol but I don't like him. He's so much cuter and taller and nicer and cuter and funnier and cuter but no."


Ok, I didn't want to like him. Everytime I like someone I get nervous and act all awkward and it NEVER works out, which makes me feel horrible about myself. Yea well I can't help it anymore! This "cutie in flooring" is now in paint and his name his JON, and he's amazing. Lol, yes amazing. Out of all the people I've ever liked, Jon is better than all of them put together. It's %100 his personality that makes him so so cute. I could really type pages and pages on how and why he's awesome, but I won't. I instead have to write 5 pages on Ronald Reagan.







p.s. he possibly has a girlfriend

I know liking him isn't going to go anywhere good.

It's 10:30 on a Sunday morning and I'm still in bed still upset by yesterday. So I worked with him yesterday. He was told to open the register right next to me-he opened the one furthest from me. It made me feel horrible; I cried in the bathroom stall on my lunch break. Am I really that bad ?



There always has to be something. Figures, school is fine, work is good, everything else is ok, it's just this one boy who is wrecking everything.

HEY! I don't really update anymore, and I have a paper due tomorrow so this is a perfect procrastination attempt. Not much is going on lately. Basically, school is good, work is good, it's all good right now. I was reading my old entries today, and I had no idea I was such a creep. Lol, seriously here's the entry from exactly 5 years ago, freshmen year:


"im in 6th period right now n i'm bored!!!!!!!!!
i saw JOSH 2day at lunch he got a sub and a water from outside lol he is so HOTT!
i still hav my calculator n no1 has touched it but me!!
me n ashley saw him in the halls and she says "josh is hott" n he kinda turns around! lol (sry ash 4 hittin u!!!!!!!!! SRY!)
but n e ways hez ded sexee!
IM BORED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! computer sux
hey thanx Amanda, Karen, Jackie, and Ashley 4 readin my journal ur the only people that do!! u guys r sexy i luv u!!!
JOSH IS HOTT!!! I LOVE JOSH!!!!
hey vanessa ORGY!!! lol
hez sittin behind me right now lol
im sittin here laffin by myself n no1 knows y hahaha
" u 4got this" lol the 3 words he as ever sed 2 me!!
he is so f-in hott!!!!!
im cuttin down on my swearing in my journal entries cuz amanda sed i swear a lot lol
i have history next period---mr.terranova is crazy!! hez so weird
o n were playin a game-he sed sumthin bout a BOX lol zlatan
its 1:10 n im bored n theres nuthin more 2 type about!!
I LOVE JOSH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SHOUT OUTZ!!!
shout outz 2 karen!!!
KAREN I LOVE U, u sexy beast!!! lo
shout outz 2 amanda!!!
hey amanda ur good at that!!! lol remember that we were so gay!
SHOUT OUTZ 2 JOSH!!!
JOSH I LOVE YOU!!! JOSH UR SEXY!!!!!!!!!
I L O V E Y O U!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"


Do you think I used enough exclamation points? I actually though spelling like this was cool. That's wayy embarassing. Lol and who put shout outs in a journal? Josh is wicked cute though :)


That's all I got. This was my lame attempt at updating. So here's a couple random things: Colby O'donis' new cd is really good. I hate to admit it but the New Kids album is awesome, BUT that only because they've got RedOne, Timbaland, Nasra, and Akon producing every track. They Red Sox are heading to the playoffs and hopefully another World Series! & I apologize to all those who actually have read my pathetic, illiterate enties over the years. Lol and one last thing: I really want the 09 Civic Coupe, like sososo bad.

Yup, this car in my new obsession.

psych 101 WTF

I'm in psychology right now BORED out of my mind. This guy is a total joke. And this class is humongous. So I havn't updated in a while. School started obv. I'm usually wicked nervous the first week and soo stresssed out. This time I was just like whatever. This semester I do not wanna buy books. I feel like I never use them or even end up learning anything. Books are costing $440 wtf. And this semester I am driving to school and a pass is $325. CRAZYNESS. This guy repaets everything he says like 25353x in different ways. This is gonna be a loooooonnnggg 50 minutes.


p.s. forensic psychology sounds fuunnn !

"An adjustment in your attitudes toward love or a partner today will be necessary with Venus quincunx Neptune. In some ways you will be unrealistic and need to use more common sense. A lot of uncertainty will exist around a love connection.

Your daily surroundings are currently changing, rajy. Perhaps your circle of friends has already undergone a major change. The fact is that you no longer have so many prejudices about the people you meet, and no longer seek out only a certain type of person as a friend. You accept whoever comes along. You may not realize it, but your attitude is completely different now from what it once was. Good for you!"

I know these things are just kinda computer generated but it's really weird how they're right on sometimes. I'm at work right now and am dreading 4:00. He comes in at 4 and makes me so nervous. When he talks to me I kind of freeze up and say the gayest things. And if he doesn't talk to me then I think that he knows that I like him and he hates me. I like work, and I don't ever dread going unless he's there. There's something about me that will never change and I hate it. Next weekend I'm working 16 hours with him and I'm more stressed about that than the fact that I just got dropped from the only class that I actually needed.

manny is gone.

This is so sad. Iris by the goo goo dolls is playing in this store and manny ramirez is gone. I can't believe it it. I loved manny even though he was assholey at times. :(


04 & 07
Manny<3

Yea I'm at work. Outside in the garden. I don't understand why they open these registers when there's no one out here but it's packed inside. So my cousins are visiting from canada again. Yea the ones that totaly overstayed their welcome last summer. I'm at work all the time anyway so I guess it really doesn't matter. All I really wanted to do this summer was work and get a. car! So that car that I'm supposed to be getting still needs major reconstruction, it needs tire alignment and all this other bs that I don't understand.

Work is good but I heard they really cut hours during the winter. Who would come to Home Depot in the winter anyway? They say you could go from 35 hours to 8. I really like all the people I work with. There's a cutie in flooring. He's more my type than ricky martin lol but I don't like him. He's so much cuter and taller and nicer and cuter and funnier and cuter but no. Everytime I work with ricky martin I get super nervous and nauseas. I really feel like I'm going to throw up. And when he talks to me I can hardly ever say anything back. I overthink what I'm about to say that I can't get it right and don't say anything at all. He must think I'm such a creep. I have no idea why I like him. It'd be so much easier to like John in flooring lol but I guess I subconciously want to be disappointed and heartbroken.

They're transferring me from the garden to returns sooon so let the fun begin ..

What's up? I'm at work right now BORED outta my mind. I'm on my lunch but I really don't eat lunch so I just chill out and watch some family guy but it's only 5 so it's not even on yet. I'm bored & I abs. LOVE this phone; so I decided to update.

Just some random stuff;
My car's coming home today (hopefully) ! Yea I am excited to get my death trap back. If Manny leaves the sox..MANNY CAN NOT LEAVE THE SOX. Just Dance by lady gaga and akon is my jam. It's a really good song-def. check it out. I really don't want to go back to school. Even though all I've done this summer is work, I really can't say it sucked. I don't want it to end. I feel like my self esteem isn't as low as it was when the summer started. I hope my confidence increased. That'd be cool, but I think I just feel that way since I don't have any presentations or socializing to stress about. I almost caught a thief at returns the other day, which was awesome. They didn't catch him but we almost did. I probably shouldn't get involved though unless I wanna get shot. It was supa exciting though. So my break is wayyy over ooops BYE!

Heyyyy ! I'm updating from my new Blackberry Curve. Yea I hacked into my razr and totaly fucked it up lol I got all sorts of cool stuff on it like I got clublights and changed all the settings and then a day later it was a black screen and not much else. Oops ? Yea so this phone is killlaaa. But there's a lot of random nonsense fees. Any day now I should be getting my car! It's currently in the shop since my brother slammed it into a tree. So I'm getting that car- lol hey its a car. I can finally start driving to school. Everything's pretty good right now-i thought ricky martin hated me but he tried to trip me today, so we're good. PEACE OUT !

I AM THE BIGGEST IDIOT. So this kid from work kept asking me if my parents would ever let me date anyone who's not indian. And why could he be asking this right? Yea well this happened last Thursday and ever since then I've been super anxious to go to work. Today, I got totally crushed. I knew it could never be what I hoped it would. One of my friends at work, he's indian, he was telling me how that kid has a thing for a girl at his other job. She's indian and he wants to ask her out but doesn't know if she'd say yes. So that's why he was asking. I feel so stupid. I thought I understood by now that no one thinks twice about me. I'll never be good enough for anyone, and it's hard to realize that. So he even showed him a picture of this girl, and my friend said that she's wicked pretty. Of course she is. He was telling me this as a way of making fun of the kid, but I was not laughing. I was so upset and felt so ridiculously stupid. I'm just not meant to be happy. I feel really pathetic but I really do wish there was just somebody who actually cared. I know no one thinks twice about me. It just makes me feel really bad about myself. I really don't like crying about this over and over again. I try to hold it in, ignore it, but it really hurts. And I really wish that I had gotten the job done back in 03. I really don't feel like my life is worth living. It's really pathetic that my only way of venting is putting it in the journal. I feel trapped in this life, if that makes any sense.

We got our car today ! My brother totaled our other one, so we got a brand new Honda Accord 2008 Special Edition. I'm so excited :) I drove it everywhere today and put 20 miles on it. School's finally out. Got two C's and two A's. Never in a million years did I think I would be working at Home Depot and actually like it. I like the people I work with, especially this one kid who said that I am one of his favorites to work with. There was a whole other scenario that went along with it but, it's just one of those stories that you just have to hear-not read. It was really awkward though and I really like want to talk to someone, but I don't have anyone that I talk to about stuff anymore. Dangerous by Kardinal Offishall is the song of the summer right after Forever. Final Destination by Chris Brown is killa but it's only a leaked 1 minute clip. I hope it comes out soooon. The Sox game today was amazing. Coco beat up a couple guys. Manny and Youklis kind of fought each other. Jacoby got hurt. David's been hurt along with Daisuke. Manny's having trouble with his foot. This is traditional Red Sox. I remeber back in like 98, everyone after the All Star Game was on the DL. The list was like 5 pages long. I HATE my aunt. HATE! I've never been so frustrated with someone. I live 1 house away from Mike and I havn't seen him since highschool. I stil get this horrible like queasy feeling when he comes up. Last year, I figured if I wouldn't see or hear about him anymore then it would go away. But it's like not. The EHS graduation was today. My parents were more excited that Sunny was graduated than they were for mine. They wanted to go. wtf? They had to go to my cousin's birthday so they couldn't even bother to drop me off at the stadium, let alone go to the graduation. While everyone was graduating I was at a 5 year old's bday party watching the Sox game online. They were like, "Oh, there's a gradation today..? Who wants the slice with most frosting?!" Self-esttem is an issue that I will have always and forever. This entry has taken a turn in the opposite direction. It was intended to be a short little update. I'll end it on a happy note: Backstreet's on tour! & the Sox have won 13 straight home games! Peace out ♥

School and finals eneded. That means I can put over any thought of my major and classes for 3 months. I've been at work for almost 2 months now. I never in a million years thought I would be working at Home Depot, and never did I ever think I would actually like it. My brother totaled our old car, so we went without out a car for a week and a half now. It's coming tomorrow! We bought a brand new car. 0 miles. Well, actually it has like 10 miles, but it's an 07 Honda Accord, Special Edition, meaning it has 16" chrome rims and 6 disc cd changer, and 6 speakers. I'm so excited. my dad is determined to fix our '93 accord. It was a real good car, like no problem at all, in a decade and a half, but the engine is all crushed in. He said he'll get it fixed. He's basically offering me a death trap. I do miss our car though. We've had that car for as long as I can remeber and it was so sad seeing it all messed up, lol.

The past week has been really hard without a car. I hate getting picked up at work by my mother, I feel like such a little kid. They put me at the returns desk now. I HATE it there. That is the worst place to be. This one guy handed me 83 receipts and had 2 carts full of stuff. I don't understand why they put me over there. You can;t return a drill that you bought 3 years ago and doesn't work anymore. And I'm never a bitch to anyone, especially not customers. So, returns is hell for me. Today was actually horrible. I spent three hours outside in the garden. It was wet and cold, and the radio broke. It was the longest three hours of my life. It was so lonely out there. No customers, no other workers. Just me and the plants. But then they brought me in and it wasn't so bad. BTW, Mike in electrical is wicked cute. But they brought me into Returns. But no one came in for an hour, so that worked out well. Then they took me over to the regular registers. Alexis, booooo. No one likes working with her, because she's a moron. She does nothing but complain. So I'm doing my thing at the register and that kid that I was talking about in the last entry (semi cutie who trained me) was at the self-check and just kinda stood by my station for a while. So I said what and he said what and then I said what and then he said what. A couple more whats and he laughs and walks away. After the customer left, he comes back over and goes, "Can I ask you something? This is going to sound so odd..." So I'm like okaaayy, I was getting nervous. "Would your parents like mind if you were with some one who wasn't like indian.." something like that, and I was like where the hell is this coming from? lol I didn't know what to say, and it was reeeealllly awkward so I just said, "Uhhhh, I don't know.." But he kept going, and I just kept cutting him off with "I don't know". RANDOM MUCH? So then he walked back to the selfcheck, and I was like wtf? Where did that come from? So as soon as the next customer was done I was like, "Hey, we got a car?!" Just to like keep it from getting silent and awkwarder. So the night went on..and I was waiting to screw up something. Because, as soon as he shows up I'm messing something up. So usually when he leaves, he just leaves like he's the hottest shit at the HD. Today he was like, "Have a good night. You're one my favorite people to work with." Yea, compared to Alexis, I'm everyone's favorite to work with. "Are you working Saturday? Saturday night? Sunday? See you then."

What a day. So what's up? School and work-non stop. I never have anytime for anything. I skip classes to get sleep or to do work for other classes. I don't mind work, but everyday straight after school until 10:30 is a bit much. Today was the longest 9 hours of my life. There was no one fun there for 6 hours and I got yelled at. I didn't feel to well in the first place, and she yelled at me for the dumbest thing. Made me so angry that I wanted to cry. From then work went totally downhill.

I'm been really stressed out lately. I still have no major and try to avoid thinking about school as much as possible. I havn't even registered for classes becuase I have no clue what to pick. Well, this one kid at work is in his 3rd year at umb, so he's always talking about school and classes. When he came in today he was like, 'buddyyy you got to register-my friend registered 3 days ago and got either night classes or waitlisted.' Stressed me out even more. Now even if I actually pick classes, I won't be able to enroll. I just wanted to ignored it. But he kept saying that I had to register. So finally I was just like, 'why should I even register for classes when I have abs. no idea what I want to do? why should I even go to school next semester when I have no idea wth I'm doing?' And I walked away to take a customer. It was kind of an angry, but upset tone at the same time. Afterwards he was like, 'hey come here, buddy. you confused? need a mentor?' At that point I was really tired and stressed out and really did not want to talk about anything. He's a psychology major and works with suicidal kids and used to be a mentor for teens who needed any sort of help. I guess he was just trying to help or whatever. But I could never talk to anybody about anything that's going on with me. Especially not with a cutie at work. I can write a quarter of it here, barely, and that's about it. At that point I really wanted to cry. I was holding it in so so badly. I wasn't feeling well in the first place, I got yelled at, I was frustrated, and now school got me stressed out. It was like 7:42, but I punched out and left. As soon as I got in the car, I put my iPod on, tried not to but couldn't help but to cry. So I tried to get it out before I drove off, but it wasn't happening. So I drove away, speeding through Everett, running a stop sign and a red light unknowingly.

I am frustrated more than I could ever explain. I havn't gone a day this week without having 3 or 4 excederin or ibuprofen. Stress is taking over! It's driving me insaanne. I need a major or atleast some sort of direction. Atleast the others who are undecided have some type of goal. I feel like a big FAILURE.

FOREVER
CHRIS BROWN ♥


it’s you, and me
movin at the speed of light into eternity
tonight, is the night
to join me in the middle of ecstasy
feel the melody and the rhythm of the music around you


ima take you there, ima take you there
so dont be scared, im right here
we can go anywhere, go anywhere
but first, its your chance
take my hand
come with me


its like i waited my whole life
for this one night
its gon be me you and the dance floor
cuz we only got one night
double you pleasure, double your fun
and dance forever


feels like were on another level
feels like our loves intertwine
we can be two rebels
breakin the rules
me and you, you and i
all you gotta do is watch me
look what i can do with my feet, baby
feel the beat inside
im drivin, you could take the front seat
just need you to trust me


its a long way down
we so high off the ground
sendin for an angel to bring me your heart
girl where did you come from?
got me so undone
gazin in your eyes got me sayin
what a beautiful lady
no ifs ands or maybes
im releasin my heart
and its feelin amazing
theres no one else that matters you love me
and i wont let you fall girl
i wont let you fall

THURSDAY NIGHT PREGAME
THE FRIDAY NIGHT BOYS ♥


so don't come back, don't even try
staring at your phone alone tonight
baby it's wrong, it felt so right
one last look into your eyes


one last kiss just like the movies
did you think we'd fall over again?
wait till next summer to get by without
(i guess we'll figure it out)


just take it back baby
take it back, back back tonight
you gotta turn around, turn around
walk right out the door


you don't realize, you get away from me
i don't want to see you down on your knees
just wait another second i know it's all right
i guess you're gonna get away this time

Let's try this again. I update after a few months with a big long entry and end up deleting it. I'm going to keep this simple, short and to the point. I'm in school right now. Should be in English but I'm lounging in the Campus Center. Everyone around me is out cold, lol. So I started work. Dude, I am so overwhelmed. I was trained by this girl who was real nice on Thursday. Everything she did/said was contradicted by the guy who trained me yesterday. He was cute, but I am so confused. Today I'm going to have my own "workstation". (This is going to be a disaster.) I'm still UNDECIDED. I feel like such a failure. I'm more confused then ever, if that's even possible. And I've become wicked independent. I don't talk to anyone. It's school, home, cereal, work, home, some sort of dinner, shower, tv/bed. And in between is me and my headphones. This weekend we painted my uncle's entire house. He just bought a new home, so we painted every room in the house a different color. Fun, but I havn't had a break in 3 weeks. & This hour and fifteen minutes is the only down time I'll have until Sunday. Omg, I want to go to a Sox game so bad. I get so jealous of people who are going. I can't believe I've only been to one game. The Red Sox are a major part of Rajdeep, can you tell I don't have a life? Baseball season is added stress. I can't just like something and let that be it. I have to be be overly obsessed. I hate that about me. I love Justin Tiimberlake, but his and Madonna's 4 Minutes is GAY. I've never liked a Madonna song, I don't see the appeal. The Friday Night Boys are a good band. They're like hellogoodbye + guitars and drums. I'm in an odd hiphip and r&b phase. I listen to tpain, timbaland, and chris brown like everyday. The Used 2008 album, Lies for Liars, is awesome. Download it. I don't feel liek going to any classes today. I would've stayed home but my dad's sister is visting from New Jersey, and I didn't even know he had brothers and sisters til last week. And my mom is still recovering from her surgery, so home would be a bit chaotic. So there is one thing that's been bothering me. I try to ignore it as much as possible, but idki get like knots in my stomach everytime it comes up. 4 letters, probably the most used word on my lj, sounds like bike, lol. Idk but 'situation ela' puts me in this awkward type of vibe. I don't know why it really bothers me. I don't know why it's coming up again or what to do. Like I try to ignore it cuase what else am I supposed to do? I don't really talk to anyone and plus it's kind of dumb. I just don't know why it bother's me so much. Maybe if I ignore it, it will eventually go away. Maybe? Well, that's about it. We'll see if this entry survives until tomorrow. Not going to economics and then going to work-pray for me =)

I CAN'T WAIT
AKON & TPAIN ♥


i think of you
when the morning comes and the nighttime goes away (all day)
don't you ever think that we won't be okay (no way)
there is nothing stopping me from loving you
touching and rubbing and kissing and hugging you
what's this feeling taking over me
baby that's love and it ain't no stopping it
i don't know as far as the eyes can see
pick up the pace and it aint no dropping it
always forever i'll be by your side
you're my bonnie i'm your clyde
that's the way that its gonna be
i'm in love with you and you in love with me


(i can't wait)
sit down and talk for a minute
go outside and take a walk for a minute
it's you and me
(i can't wait)
sit down and talk for a minute
go outside and take a walk for a minute
it's you and me



(i can't wait)
i can't believe
that someone like you will love me endlessly (forever)
if this goes our way my love will always be (eternally)
you have set my mind my love my heart so free
together forever however just you and me
what's this feeling taking over me
baby that's love and it aint no stopping it
i don't know as far as the eyes can see
pick up the pace and it aint no dropping it
always forever i'll be by your side
you're my bonnie i'm your clyde
cause that's the way that it's gonna be
i'm in love with you and you're in love with me

i want this bag in black. A LOT. It's by Balenciaga and $1800. This picture doesn't do it justice. You just have to see it. If I had stayed at CVS it would be mine by now. I want a job.

I havn't been on LJ in forever. I think I still have entries from May on the first page. Classes end Thursday, and finals on Monday. I promise myself next semester I'll go to class-everytime. PROMISE. Other than that, nothings been up. My iPod's been acting crazy. Instead of coming out with the same mp3 player in different versions, they need to fix iTunes, asap. Oh, fun fact: I've been through 8 pairs of headphone in *07. My really good ones broke last night, so make it 9. This entry blows. I finally got my license. I'm such a scared driver though, so I don't drive. I think I should just live at the gym in order to get where I'll actualy feel somewhat ok with myself. And tell me how everyone at the gym is stick thin, seriously. Apparently, I'm shouldn't have gone this long without trying any drugs or alcohol. I should have atleast tried it, I've been told. Taylor's determined to get me drunk this year. So she's taking me with her to a Harbor Point party or whatever. I'm def. not going, willingly. Even if I do end up going, you know I'd do abs. nothing, and leave 20 minutes in. Obv. But I do really want to know what I'd be like drunk.







p.s. i <3 my background music. a lot. like, a whole lot.

there'll come a day
when you walk out of my dreams
face to face, like i'm imagining
how can I be sure
that you're the one i'm waiting for
will you be
unmistakable ♥