rajy's journal ♥

mood: crushed

music: afraid - yellowcard

I AM THE BIGGEST IDIOT. So this kid from work kept asking me if my parents would ever let me date anyone who's not indian. And why could he be asking this right? Yea well this happened last Thursday and ever since then I've been super anxious to go to work. Today, I got totally crushed. I knew it could never be what I hoped it would. One of my friends at work, he's indian, he was telling me how that kid has a thing for a girl at his other job. She's indian and he wants to ask her out but doesn't know if she'd say yes. So that's why he was asking. I feel so stupid. I thought I understood by now that no one thinks twice about me. I'll never be good enough for anyone, and it's hard to realize that. So he even showed him a picture of this girl, and my friend said that she's wicked pretty. Of course she is. He was telling me this as a way of making fun of the kid, but I was not laughing. I was so upset and felt so ridiculously stupid. I'm just not meant to be happy. I feel really pathetic but I really do wish there was just somebody who actually cared. I know no one thinks twice about me. It just makes me feel really bad about myself. I really don't like crying about this over and over again. I try to hold it in, ignore it, but it really hurts. And I really wish that I had gotten the job done back in 03. I really don't feel like my life is worth living. It's really pathetic that my only way of venting is putting it in the journal. I feel trapped in this life, if that makes any sense.