rajy's journal ♥

mood: good

music: sucka for love - danity kane

We got our car today ! My brother totaled our other one, so we got a brand new Honda Accord 2008 Special Edition. I'm so excited :) I drove it everywhere today and put 20 miles on it. School's finally out. Got two C's and two A's. Never in a million years did I think I would be working at Home Depot and actually like it. I like the people I work with, especially this one kid who said that I am one of his favorites to work with. There was a whole other scenario that went along with it but, it's just one of those stories that you just have to hear-not read. It was really awkward though and I really like want to talk to someone, but I don't have anyone that I talk to about stuff anymore. Dangerous by Kardinal Offishall is the song of the summer right after Forever. Final Destination by Chris Brown is killa but it's only a leaked 1 minute clip. I hope it comes out soooon. The Sox game today was amazing. Coco beat up a couple guys. Manny and Youklis kind of fought each other. Jacoby got hurt. David's been hurt along with Daisuke. Manny's having trouble with his foot. This is traditional Red Sox. I remeber back in like 98, everyone after the All Star Game was on the DL. The list was like 5 pages long. I HATE my aunt. HATE! I've never been so frustrated with someone. I live 1 house away from Mike and I havn't seen him since highschool. I stil get this horrible like queasy feeling when he comes up. Last year, I figured if I wouldn't see or hear about him anymore then it would go away. But it's like not. The EHS graduation was today. My parents were more excited that Sunny was graduated than they were for mine. They wanted to go. wtf? They had to go to my cousin's birthday so they couldn't even bother to drop me off at the stadium, let alone go to the graduation. While everyone was graduating I was at a 5 year old's bday party watching the Sox game online. They were like, "Oh, there's a gradation today..? Who wants the slice with most frosting?!" Self-esttem is an issue that I will have always and forever. This entry has taken a turn in the opposite direction. It was intended to be a short little update. I'll end it on a happy note: Backstreet's on tour! & the Sox have won 13 straight home games! Peace out ♥

mood: take a guess.

music: 143637acceptance<333333

What a fucking horrible day.


"Family" came over. No one told me. Becuase they knew I would be pissed. So I come home from a long day of damn CVS, and everyones cleaning, cooking, and everything in between. I promised I wouldn't let it bother me. But I couldn't help it. The whoel night sucked. Sucked. Sucked. Sucked. Everyone was downstairs at 11:30-12. But I was in my room crying. Because I hate my life right now. 2007 is the year I've been dreading for so long. If 2007 is just like 2006, 2005 and ever other year, I'm not planning on 2008. That's a promise. Not going to say anything. Not going to let anyone know. No one's going to stop me. I'm just going to get it over with someday. What a great way to start the year. I've been sick all day. My stomach's killing me, even as I type. Work was bad. Home was bad. New Years was really bad.


I hope this year is different. I hope I can change mentally, more than physically. I hope I can let things go, not let every little thing bother me, have more self-esteem, get out of this depression state. I'd rather be mentally healthy whale, than a fat emotional wreck.

I hope that I get into a college. Lol. I neeeeed to. I'm only applying to 2 places, since I missed the deadline for one. One I need to go for an interview. Never in hell is that going to happen. Rejected from there. The other one, I HOPE TO GOD I get in.

More than anything though I want a true friend. I just want someone who really does care. Yes, people care about me. But that's not a 24-hr thing. That's a "ohhh, she's in the 'i hate life' phase, maybe I should act like i care by saying something nice." I just want somebody. Just one. Is that too much to ask for?






p.s. I really want this entry to be one that I read tomorrow and want to delete. By the next day some entries just sound dumb. You don't feel like that anymore. You were just posting because you were so full of emotion. I def. do not want to feel this way tomorrow. Or ever again for that matter.

mood: sleepy

music: i wanna love you-akon

I should be alseep right now, it's 1:30, but I'm a dork and had to update.

Had work yesterday. Honestly, I loved it. My tiiiiiny little crush has accelerated. And we're both woking together tomorrow. And I can't wait.


So today was Christmas, and I actually got stuff! First year taht we actualy kind of celebrated Christmas. My cousins from Avon came over, and there's 13 of them. Chaotic. But somehow, at then end of the night, we all end up in 1 room. One of my cousins is flipping hilarious. I abs. love him. <333333 We all had a blast.


After they left, around 12, we opened gifts. My dad, unexpectedly, got us all something. The 3 of us, got $100, and Mom & Grandma got $51. ($1 is alwyas given extra. it's for good luck. that's how us indians doooo). Swear to god, that is the most he's ever spent on us. Ever. Felt bad taking it because I really don't like him. Whatev. And then my sister, gives me my stuff. Yea, I knew I was getting the wristlet, and I was wicked excited. That was enough for me, but I got something else, too. She got me a Coach iPod case! I love it. I'm not even a big Coach freak, but I love both.


I have work in 5 hours. Ugh. I'm excited because of the people that i'll be working with. But I'm forgetting about the actual work aspect of it. And the getting up at 6:30. And the looong hours. And that disgusting baby blue CVS shirt. But my 2 out of my 3 friends (wow, 3!) will be there, lol, so it'll be good.


Call me during break somewhere between 10-11, or 12-1.

mood: happy

music: baby,it's fact-hellogoodbye

For christmas we got my Mom a Coach bag, because she's been wanting to get one for a while. She goes to get one, then stops. You have to go to college, and gas is going up, and blah blah blah, so what am I going to do with a Coach bag. Lol, everytime. So we got her one. Soo.. I got my mail todya, and was looking at my bank statement. And freaked out. I only used my card once, and that wasn't supposed to come up yet. But it said i spent $700. Turns out it was my sister's bank statement, not mine. So I'm looking at her payments. And there were two from Coach. ? One was my mother's, and the other? So I went online to coach.com and put in her numbers, and checked out what she bought. SHE BOUGHT ME A COACH WRISTLET! I think it's ridiculous to spend that much on something so tiny. But I'll take it!

Had no work this weekend. But instead, I was sick. Didn't go to school on Friday either. I hate my sinuses. Lol. Still have to do my college stuff. ALL OF IT. So far all I've gotten is 1 recommendation. Not really, actually. It's still somewhere between Michigan and Everett. Out of the 50 teachers I could have asked in Everett, I asked the one in MI. Yup, I'm a dumbass.

Wednesday, we were in the caf, and Mike walks in 10 minutes late and says, "Did we sign in? Where do we sign in??" He seemed like he was in a hurry, and no one was answering him, so I said, "D'Agostino's doing it right now." Yes, that’s right I said 5 words to Mike. And we made eye contact. First time since sophomore year. It’s pathetic, I know, I’m still on this.

My cousins aren’t coming anymore! They’re all scared of the weather conditions. So they’re afraid that they’ll get stick and die somewhere. ( I love it that they’re not coming.) They had started packing and everything, and my mom had started cleaning every inch of the house. Now they’re not coming. What do you expect, they’re Canadians.





you're pulling the trigger-
pulling the trigger all wrong.
give me envy. give me malice.
give me attention.
baby, give me...a break

panicatthediscoislove.

What a week.

Monday and Tuesday was a blurrr. But Wednesday was wicked long. Thurday, Thanksgiving/Birthday, was like any other day. Friday work. Saturday work. Sunday mall.


Wednesday Scuzzzz said the weirdest thing about me. And I don't know if he was serious or not. But I'm wicked paranoid so now I'm all worried about it. He said that first I'm an emo kid. Second, I'm a preppy. So then he combines it into a emo kid/prep. I'm neither right? Where is he getting this from. If he's thinking that, then who else is? Anyways, I got home and was supposed to go out but ended up falling asleep.

Thursday. We were supposed to go to my Aunts house in Avon, but it was rainy. So my parents said we'll chill at home. BORING. No one got me anything, but what's new.

Friday. Work wasn't so bad. The new people they hired like last week are cool. Rented Constantine and Syriana.

Saturday I was supposed to work 8-4, but someone switched with me. I work 12-9. I loved it. I did customer service, because tehy didn't have enough registers. That's the easiest thing on the planet. You walk around asking people if they need help. Or, you don't. You walk around and look at all the cool Christmas stuff. The people at night are so much more fun. Bob<3! Rented movies. Watched Shrek 2, because they didn't have Ice Age.

Sunday. CHRISTMAS TREE! Bought it, and then set it up. It's not fully decorated but it's up and running. You should come see it. Oh wait, I'll just take a picture. Be right back .. MY TREE.


I have to do 4 essays by Wednesday. And I have to take my pictures Tuesday. I havn't started anything for college. I have nothing. I have to do my college essay, too. Recommendations? NONE. Not looking forward to this week at all.

mood: a bit aggravated

music: the letter - acceptance

Just so you know, I only update when something's wrong, when I'm in a bad mood. & that's why my entire journal is so negative, and marbid. I havn't updated in a while meaning eversince my last entry things have been good. & I'm updating today because my whole family is gay.



( here I go again. )



p.s.I know in a couple days, hours, or even minutes, I'll be over it. I'll end up deleting it. But right now, it helped.

mood: blah

music: in the cold-acceptance

I've been so stressed out lately. Stressed about everything possible: college, friends, work, music, my bedroom radiator, my ipod, health, christmas, birthday, my parents, mike ela, italian class, my wardrobe, my lack of self-confidence, yearbook & graduation, and 'a certain someone'.



( we're still so young desperate for attention )




A horrible day.
& an even worse journal entry to top it off.