rajy's journal ♥

mood: good

music: sucka for love - danity kane

We got our car today ! My brother totaled our other one, so we got a brand new Honda Accord 2008 Special Edition. I'm so excited :) I drove it everywhere today and put 20 miles on it. School's finally out. Got two C's and two A's. Never in a million years did I think I would be working at Home Depot and actually like it. I like the people I work with, especially this one kid who said that I am one of his favorites to work with. There was a whole other scenario that went along with it but, it's just one of those stories that you just have to hear-not read. It was really awkward though and I really like want to talk to someone, but I don't have anyone that I talk to about stuff anymore. Dangerous by Kardinal Offishall is the song of the summer right after Forever. Final Destination by Chris Brown is killa but it's only a leaked 1 minute clip. I hope it comes out soooon. The Sox game today was amazing. Coco beat up a couple guys. Manny and Youklis kind of fought each other. Jacoby got hurt. David's been hurt along with Daisuke. Manny's having trouble with his foot. This is traditional Red Sox. I remeber back in like 98, everyone after the All Star Game was on the DL. The list was like 5 pages long. I HATE my aunt. HATE! I've never been so frustrated with someone. I live 1 house away from Mike and I havn't seen him since highschool. I stil get this horrible like queasy feeling when he comes up. Last year, I figured if I wouldn't see or hear about him anymore then it would go away. But it's like not. The EHS graduation was today. My parents were more excited that Sunny was graduated than they were for mine. They wanted to go. wtf? They had to go to my cousin's birthday so they couldn't even bother to drop me off at the stadium, let alone go to the graduation. While everyone was graduating I was at a 5 year old's bday party watching the Sox game online. They were like, "Oh, there's a gradation today..? Who wants the slice with most frosting?!" Self-esttem is an issue that I will have always and forever. This entry has taken a turn in the opposite direction. It was intended to be a short little update. I'll end it on a happy note: Backstreet's on tour! & the Sox have won 13 straight home games! Peace out ♥

location: UMB

mood: exhausted

music: nite runner - timberlake & duran duran

Let's try this again. I update after a few months with a big long entry and end up deleting it. I'm going to keep this simple, short and to the point. I'm in school right now. Should be in English but I'm lounging in the Campus Center. Everyone around me is out cold, lol. So I started work. Dude, I am so overwhelmed. I was trained by this girl who was real nice on Thursday. Everything she did/said was contradicted by the guy who trained me yesterday. He was cute, but I am so confused. Today I'm going to have my own "workstation". (This is going to be a disaster.) I'm still UNDECIDED. I feel like such a failure. I'm more confused then ever, if that's even possible. And I've become wicked independent. I don't talk to anyone. It's school, home, cereal, work, home, some sort of dinner, shower, tv/bed. And in between is me and my headphones. This weekend we painted my uncle's entire house. He just bought a new home, so we painted every room in the house a different color. Fun, but I havn't had a break in 3 weeks. & This hour and fifteen minutes is the only down time I'll have until Sunday. Omg, I want to go to a Sox game so bad. I get so jealous of people who are going. I can't believe I've only been to one game. The Red Sox are a major part of Rajdeep, can you tell I don't have a life? Baseball season is added stress. I can't just like something and let that be it. I have to be be overly obsessed. I hate that about me. I love Justin Tiimberlake, but his and Madonna's 4 Minutes is GAY. I've never liked a Madonna song, I don't see the appeal. The Friday Night Boys are a good band. They're like hellogoodbye + guitars and drums. I'm in an odd hiphip and r&b phase. I listen to tpain, timbaland, and chris brown like everyday. The Used 2008 album, Lies for Liars, is awesome. Download it. I don't feel liek going to any classes today. I would've stayed home but my dad's sister is visting from New Jersey, and I didn't even know he had brothers and sisters til last week. And my mom is still recovering from her surgery, so home would be a bit chaotic. So there is one thing that's been bothering me. I try to ignore it as much as possible, but idki get like knots in my stomach everytime it comes up. 4 letters, probably the most used word on my lj, sounds like bike, lol. Idk but 'situation ela' puts me in this awkward type of vibe. I don't know why it really bothers me. I don't know why it's coming up again or what to do. Like I try to ignore it cuase what else am I supposed to do? I don't really talk to anyone and plus it's kind of dumb. I just don't know why it bother's me so much. Maybe if I ignore it, it will eventually go away. Maybe? Well, that's about it. We'll see if this entry survives until tomorrow. Not going to economics and then going to work-pray for me =)

mood: sick

music: my love video <33333333

Even though I'm soft spoken, I'm a charming person. yeeaaa =] Thanks Ms. Reis.

I wonder what Cobby's going to write (IF I EVER GET AROUND TO ASKING HER!) .. She is a good student sometimes. Her grades in my class are very inconsistent. But they never go below a C .. usually. Her and the rest of my class, basically worked together (cheated) on all the tests I gave. And even though up to this very day I don't know her name, she is an mediocre student.

Lol, she scares me. She gets mad and goes bizzeerrk in italian wicked fast. Cobby's with the MAFIA.


I couldn't sleep last night. That and the medicine I took was killing me. AND it was Monday. I was falling asleep all over the place. I slept in school for a good hour. I never sleep in public. I wouldn't want people seeing me sleep, lol. But I couldn't help it. Had my Nick Carter going, and I was ouutt. I would wake up with the bell. Rubbing my eyes throughout the halls. Natasha screams, "RAJDEEP, WAKE UP!" everytime she sees me. My eyes were all red, and I'd walk into class, "pssssttt, are you high?" Haha, yes, I, Rajdeep Kaur, the one who can't talk to Mike frickin Ela, is high.


New background music tomorrow. Something old school. Maybe. Backstreet<3333333333333333333333333

Had no work this weekend. But instead, I was sick. Didn't go to school on Friday either. I hate my sinuses. Lol. Still have to do my college stuff. ALL OF IT. So far all I've gotten is 1 recommendation. Not really, actually. It's still somewhere between Michigan and Everett. Out of the 50 teachers I could have asked in Everett, I asked the one in MI. Yup, I'm a dumbass.

Wednesday, we were in the caf, and Mike walks in 10 minutes late and says, "Did we sign in? Where do we sign in??" He seemed like he was in a hurry, and no one was answering him, so I said, "D'Agostino's doing it right now." Yes, that’s right I said 5 words to Mike. And we made eye contact. First time since sophomore year. It’s pathetic, I know, I’m still on this.

My cousins aren’t coming anymore! They’re all scared of the weather conditions. So they’re afraid that they’ll get stick and die somewhere. ( I love it that they’re not coming.) They had started packing and everything, and my mom had started cleaning every inch of the house. Now they’re not coming. What do you expect, they’re Canadians.





you're pulling the trigger-
pulling the trigger all wrong.
give me envy. give me malice.
give me attention.
baby, give me...a break

panicatthediscoislove.

This is going to so sound wicked stupid. Because it is.


Me and Mike had a really awkward moment. I'm telling you, we don't talk at all. If we, accidently, spot each other in the hall or something, both of us will suddenly look away. It's so weird. I don't know how to describe the awkwardness. It's gross though.


This took a total of 5 seconds. No joke. Maybe even less. So, we had to put the desks in rows, because they were in groups and the SATs would be in that room the next. We had to go to the pep rally (which was flippin gay) that period so we were only in there for 5 minutes. So.. we're all moving the desks into rows. I turn around and grab a desk. At the same time that Mike gets the desk. So we're both ready to move it. But then we both let go of it at the same, thinking the other would get it. So as of this point no one had the desk. I thought he was just going to let me get it, so I grabbed it agian. And so did he. Apparently, he thought the same. We ended up pushing the desk together. We both turned it around, and then pushed it into place. Then ran off in opposite directions. Neither of us said a word. It was disgusting. and nerve-wracking. and I never want to be in that place again. You would think that one of us would have said, "Hey, I got it." But no one did. I was going to, but I thought, "wow, If I say that, that'll be the first words exchanged between us since 3rd quarter last year." And by the time that thought was over, it was too late to say it. Remember, it only takes 1/2 a second to move a desk.


Pathetically, I havn't stop thinking about it since. Lol. You have to be me to know how awkward it was. It's weird how we used to talk everyday, now neither of us can say 4 words to each other. It's like when you hate someone, you ignore them, and you don't say anything to them. But in that case, you want to punch them in the face most the time and that's why you stay away. In this case, it's different because I don't want to kill Mike. (Lol, Heather does.) I don't hate him at all. I try to ignore it, but I like Mike sooo much. And I hate admitting that. I just can't let 'situation ela' go.

It won't be over after high school either. He lives a house away. I'm so close to Mike, but so far away. It's like being at a concert; you're about 10 feet away from your favorite band, but you'll never be closer. They're never going to be you best budds, or even know your name.



But anyways, work was wicked busy today. 8-4 tomorow. Powerpoint & book to read for school also. And let's not forget my college essay.

mood: blah

music: in the cold-acceptance

I've been so stressed out lately. Stressed about everything possible: college, friends, work, music, my bedroom radiator, my ipod, health, christmas, birthday, my parents, mike ela, italian class, my wardrobe, my lack of self-confidence, yearbook & graduation, and 'a certain someone'.



( we're still so young desperate for attention )




A horrible day.
& an even worse journal entry to top it off.