rajy's journal ♥

What's up? I'm at work right now BORED outta my mind. I'm on my lunch but I really don't eat lunch so I just chill out and watch some family guy but it's only 5 so it's not even on yet. I'm bored & I abs. LOVE this phone; so I decided to update.

Just some random stuff;
My car's coming home today (hopefully) ! Yea I am excited to get my death trap back. If Manny leaves the sox..MANNY CAN NOT LEAVE THE SOX. Just Dance by lady gaga and akon is my jam. It's a really good song-def. check it out. I really don't want to go back to school. Even though all I've done this summer is work, I really can't say it sucked. I don't want it to end. I feel like my self esteem isn't as low as it was when the summer started. I hope my confidence increased. That'd be cool, but I think I just feel that way since I don't have any presentations or socializing to stress about. I almost caught a thief at returns the other day, which was awesome. They didn't catch him but we almost did. I probably shouldn't get involved though unless I wanna get shot. It was supa exciting though. So my break is wayyy over ooops BYE!

We got our car today ! My brother totaled our other one, so we got a brand new Honda Accord 2008 Special Edition. I'm so excited :) I drove it everywhere today and put 20 miles on it. School's finally out. Got two C's and two A's. Never in a million years did I think I would be working at Home Depot and actually like it. I like the people I work with, especially this one kid who said that I am one of his favorites to work with. There was a whole other scenario that went along with it but, it's just one of those stories that you just have to hear-not read. It was really awkward though and I really like want to talk to someone, but I don't have anyone that I talk to about stuff anymore. Dangerous by Kardinal Offishall is the song of the summer right after Forever. Final Destination by Chris Brown is killa but it's only a leaked 1 minute clip. I hope it comes out soooon. The Sox game today was amazing. Coco beat up a couple guys. Manny and Youklis kind of fought each other. Jacoby got hurt. David's been hurt along with Daisuke. Manny's having trouble with his foot. This is traditional Red Sox. I remeber back in like 98, everyone after the All Star Game was on the DL. The list was like 5 pages long. I HATE my aunt. HATE! I've never been so frustrated with someone. I live 1 house away from Mike and I havn't seen him since highschool. I stil get this horrible like queasy feeling when he comes up. Last year, I figured if I wouldn't see or hear about him anymore then it would go away. But it's like not. The EHS graduation was today. My parents were more excited that Sunny was graduated than they were for mine. They wanted to go. wtf? They had to go to my cousin's birthday so they couldn't even bother to drop me off at the stadium, let alone go to the graduation. While everyone was graduating I was at a 5 year old's bday party watching the Sox game online. They were like, "Oh, there's a gradation today..? Who wants the slice with most frosting?!" Self-esttem is an issue that I will have always and forever. This entry has taken a turn in the opposite direction. It was intended to be a short little update. I'll end it on a happy note: Backstreet's on tour! & the Sox have won 13 straight home games! Peace out ♥

FOREVER
CHRIS BROWN ♥


it’s you, and me
movin at the speed of light into eternity
tonight, is the night
to join me in the middle of ecstasy
feel the melody and the rhythm of the music around you


ima take you there, ima take you there
so dont be scared, im right here
we can go anywhere, go anywhere
but first, its your chance
take my hand
come with me


its like i waited my whole life
for this one night
its gon be me you and the dance floor
cuz we only got one night
double you pleasure, double your fun
and dance forever


feels like were on another level
feels like our loves intertwine
we can be two rebels
breakin the rules
me and you, you and i
all you gotta do is watch me
look what i can do with my feet, baby
feel the beat inside
im drivin, you could take the front seat
just need you to trust me


its a long way down
we so high off the ground
sendin for an angel to bring me your heart
girl where did you come from?
got me so undone
gazin in your eyes got me sayin
what a beautiful lady
no ifs ands or maybes
im releasin my heart
and its feelin amazing
theres no one else that matters you love me
and i wont let you fall girl
i wont let you fall

THURSDAY NIGHT PREGAME
THE FRIDAY NIGHT BOYS ♥


so don't come back, don't even try
staring at your phone alone tonight
baby it's wrong, it felt so right
one last look into your eyes


one last kiss just like the movies
did you think we'd fall over again?
wait till next summer to get by without
(i guess we'll figure it out)


just take it back baby
take it back, back back tonight
you gotta turn around, turn around
walk right out the door


you don't realize, you get away from me
i don't want to see you down on your knees
just wait another second i know it's all right
i guess you're gonna get away this time

Let's try this again. I update after a few months with a big long entry and end up deleting it. I'm going to keep this simple, short and to the point. I'm in school right now. Should be in English but I'm lounging in the Campus Center. Everyone around me is out cold, lol. So I started work. Dude, I am so overwhelmed. I was trained by this girl who was real nice on Thursday. Everything she did/said was contradicted by the guy who trained me yesterday. He was cute, but I am so confused. Today I'm going to have my own "workstation". (This is going to be a disaster.) I'm still UNDECIDED. I feel like such a failure. I'm more confused then ever, if that's even possible. And I've become wicked independent. I don't talk to anyone. It's school, home, cereal, work, home, some sort of dinner, shower, tv/bed. And in between is me and my headphones. This weekend we painted my uncle's entire house. He just bought a new home, so we painted every room in the house a different color. Fun, but I havn't had a break in 3 weeks. & This hour and fifteen minutes is the only down time I'll have until Sunday. Omg, I want to go to a Sox game so bad. I get so jealous of people who are going. I can't believe I've only been to one game. The Red Sox are a major part of Rajdeep, can you tell I don't have a life? Baseball season is added stress. I can't just like something and let that be it. I have to be be overly obsessed. I hate that about me. I love Justin Tiimberlake, but his and Madonna's 4 Minutes is GAY. I've never liked a Madonna song, I don't see the appeal. The Friday Night Boys are a good band. They're like hellogoodbye + guitars and drums. I'm in an odd hiphip and r&b phase. I listen to tpain, timbaland, and chris brown like everyday. The Used 2008 album, Lies for Liars, is awesome. Download it. I don't feel liek going to any classes today. I would've stayed home but my dad's sister is visting from New Jersey, and I didn't even know he had brothers and sisters til last week. And my mom is still recovering from her surgery, so home would be a bit chaotic. So there is one thing that's been bothering me. I try to ignore it as much as possible, but idki get like knots in my stomach everytime it comes up. 4 letters, probably the most used word on my lj, sounds like bike, lol. Idk but 'situation ela' puts me in this awkward type of vibe. I don't know why it really bothers me. I don't know why it's coming up again or what to do. Like I try to ignore it cuase what else am I supposed to do? I don't really talk to anyone and plus it's kind of dumb. I just don't know why it bother's me so much. Maybe if I ignore it, it will eventually go away. Maybe? Well, that's about it. We'll see if this entry survives until tomorrow. Not going to economics and then going to work-pray for me =)

I CAN'T WAIT
AKON & TPAIN ♥


i think of you
when the morning comes and the nighttime goes away (all day)
don't you ever think that we won't be okay (no way)
there is nothing stopping me from loving you
touching and rubbing and kissing and hugging you
what's this feeling taking over me
baby that's love and it ain't no stopping it
i don't know as far as the eyes can see
pick up the pace and it aint no dropping it
always forever i'll be by your side
you're my bonnie i'm your clyde
that's the way that its gonna be
i'm in love with you and you in love with me


(i can't wait)
sit down and talk for a minute
go outside and take a walk for a minute
it's you and me
(i can't wait)
sit down and talk for a minute
go outside and take a walk for a minute
it's you and me



(i can't wait)
i can't believe
that someone like you will love me endlessly (forever)
if this goes our way my love will always be (eternally)
you have set my mind my love my heart so free
together forever however just you and me
what's this feeling taking over me
baby that's love and it aint no stopping it
i don't know as far as the eyes can see
pick up the pace and it aint no dropping it
always forever i'll be by your side
you're my bonnie i'm your clyde
cause that's the way that it's gonna be
i'm in love with you and you're in love with me

I havn't been on LJ in forever. I think I still have entries from May on the first page. Classes end Thursday, and finals on Monday. I promise myself next semester I'll go to class-everytime. PROMISE. Other than that, nothings been up. My iPod's been acting crazy. Instead of coming out with the same mp3 player in different versions, they need to fix iTunes, asap. Oh, fun fact: I've been through 8 pairs of headphone in *07. My really good ones broke last night, so make it 9. This entry blows. I finally got my license. I'm such a scared driver though, so I don't drive. I think I should just live at the gym in order to get where I'll actualy feel somewhat ok with myself. And tell me how everyone at the gym is stick thin, seriously. Apparently, I'm shouldn't have gone this long without trying any drugs or alcohol. I should have atleast tried it, I've been told. Taylor's determined to get me drunk this year. So she's taking me with her to a Harbor Point party or whatever. I'm def. not going, willingly. Even if I do end up going, you know I'd do abs. nothing, and leave 20 minutes in. Obv. But I do really want to know what I'd be like drunk.







p.s. i <3 my background music. a lot. like, a whole lot.

there'll come a day
when you walk out of my dreams
face to face, like i'm imagining
how can I be sure
that you're the one i'm waiting for
will you be
unmistakable ♥

the taste of ink
the used<3

is it worth it can you even hear me
standing with your spotlight on me
not enough to feed the hungry
i'm tired and i felt it for awhile now
in this sea of lonely
the taste of ink is getting old
it's four o' clock in the fucking morning
each day gets more and more like the last day
still i can see it coming

while i'm standing in the river drowning
this could be my chance to break out
this could be my chance to say goodbye
at last it's finally over
couldn't take this town much longer
being half dead wasn't what i planned to be
now i'm ready to be free

so here i am it's in my hands
and i'll savor every moment of this
so here i am alive at last
and i'll savor every moment of this

won't you think i'm pretty
when i'm standing top the bright lit city
and i'll take your hand and pick you up
and keep you there so you can see it
as long as you're alive and care
i promise i will take you there
we'll drink and dance the night away
we'll drink and dance the night away

so here i am it's in my hands
and i'll savor every moment of this
so here i am alive at last
and i'll savor every moment of this
savor every moment of this

I'm really bored. Can't Don't want to make it nice and flowy. Just blahhhh. HAPPY BIRTHDAY AJ! Guy update: Mike, still like him. That other one, not at all. The one from work, ehhhh havn't worked in a while. Science fair in 2 days. Have nothing to wear, of course. College stuff almost done. Italian is the work class of the day. Lindsay + Monica + Cobby going on and on in Italian = hellll. Maddddd senioritis. Physics is "funnnn". Me and Ashley did some reminiscing: Express earings, $20. Hot Topic bracelets, $8. H&M hair accessories, $5. Rave socks $16. CVS lip gloss $9. Bath&Body works antibacterials $18. Shopping with Ashley, Priceless. Russell Perters is the funniest. People need to start making good music again! My band is too busy to ever meet up. I guess that's over. Lol. Favorite TV show (SVU!) not playing new epsiodes ? Project Runway needs to come back soooon. House of Carters season 2 is on its way<33333. Being fat and bloated doesn't work. Jesse McCartney is wicked annoying. This is going to sound so unlike me but, I abs. love Justin Timberlake. And JC should make a solo record again, but Nick Lachey style. No Hip-Hop, Rap, songs about lesbians thing-just the pop/rock ballad thing. Recently, he's been wicked cute. Not going to graduation. My new shoes hurt. Memo To self: Sandels need to stop around November. Don't wear them in the rain. Or when it's 30 degrees. High School Musical's a good movie. "Patrick doesn't know, Patrick doesn't know, so don't tell Patty!"-Duyen.

Most Played Songs on Rajy's iPod:
1. the letter by: acceptance 976
2. you're not alone by: saosin 302
3. i got you by: nick carter 185
4. my love by: justin timberlake 160
5. this conversation is over by: acceptance 149
6. scotty doesn't know by: lustra 90
7. i woke up in a car by: something corporate 71
8. here in your arms by: hellogoodbye 70
9. do it alone by: sugarcult 54
10. tearin' up my heart by: nsync 53

do it alone
sugarcult<3

hello, can i say
that there's something wrong with this place
i've got time, just to waste
if you would be my new escape

so then i say can't find a lover
well there's no other way of pulling me under
cause it's gotta be fate if we're under the covers
it's all gonna be a-ok, a-ok

i don't want to do it alone
i'm beggin' you
i don't wanna do it, do it, do this all…

alone, we can dance
in your bedroom with no romance
i got time, just to waste
if you would be my new escape

so then you say won't be another
but you give it away cause you wanna discover
that it's gotta be fate if we're under the covers
it's all gonna be a-ok, a-ok

i don't want to do it alone
i'm beggin you
i don't wanna do it alone
i'll tell you what
i don't wanna do it alone

baby, it's fact
hellogoodbye

just in case they're wondering
they've got us pinned terribly
they don't believe our love is real
'cause they don't know how real love feels

you should know, it's true, just now the part about my
love for you and how my heart's about to
burst into a thousand pieces so it
must be true and they'll believe us too soon

baby, it's fact our love is true
the way black is black and blue is just blue
my love is true, it's a matter of fact
oh and you love me too, it's as simple as that
baby our love is true

they may say some awful things
but there's no point in listening
your words are the only words
that i believe in afterwards

you should know, it's true, just now the part about my
love for you and how my heart's about to
burst into a thousand pieces so it
must be true and they'll believe us too soon

baby, it's fact our love is true
the way black is black and blue is just blue
my love is true, it's a matter of fact
oh and you love me too, it's as simple as that

i woke up in a car
something corporate

i woke up in new york city
from my sleep behind the wheel
caught a train to poughkeepsie
and time stood still
she wrote me a letter from san diego
to qualify her luck
these flights connect through arizona
but i think i'll stay stuck
so here i am

well i woke up in a car
i traced away the fog
so i could see the mississippi on her knees
i've never been so lost
i've never felt so much at home
please write my folks and throw away my keys
i woke up in a car

i met a girl who kept tattoos
for homes that she had loved
if i were her i'd paint my body
'till all my skin was gone
she wrote me a letter
as we passed through rockford
she said she won't forget
maybe i do maybe i don't
but i know i haven't yet
so here i am

and maybe i could live forever
if not ever i had known
that you'd be waiting there whenever
i am all alone
but here i am

Temporary new background music: i woke up in a car by: somthing corporate.



I have to get the lyrics, and get the right music file. I wanted Justin's song, but his every song on his cd is 7 minutes long. They all have extra parts, different verisons, and blah. Until I get the time to crop it, I'll stick with Something Corporate<3. But I had to get rid of that old stuff asap. Too much techno.




update on my greeaaaattt weekend tomorrow. Oh, be excited. =]

ready for love
casada

you took a piece of my heart
i never thought that this could fall apart
you said you fell in love
and this was more than i had ever been afraid of
another life
another happy ending cuts like a knife
another place, another time
another hand to touch, another sun to shine

you got me deeper than deep and i'm constantly blinded
i'm running around but there's no place to hide
i start to talk in my sleep, our souls are divided
why can't they forgive me these demons inside
deeper than deep and i'm constantly blinded
my heart starts to shiver for it was not enough
i start to talk in my sleep, cause our souls are divided
how can it be that you're ready for love

time will tell
a single day could help me break this spell
don't want to be alone
when will i be understood when is my kingdom to come
another boy, another life
another happy ending, and i'll be alive
another place, another time
another hand to touch, another sun to shine

you got me deeper than deep and i'm constantly blinded
i'm running around but there's no place to hide
i start to talk in my sleep, our souls are divided
why can't they forgive me these demons inside
deeper than deep and i'm constantly blinded
my heart starts to shiver for it was not enough
i start to talk in my sleep, cause our souls are divided
how can it be that you're ready for love

welcome to the black parade
my chemical romance

sometimes i get the feeling
she's watching over me
and other times i feel like i should go
and through it all; the rise and fall, the bodies in the streets
and when you come we watch you want to know

we'll carry on
we'll carry on
and though you're singing, god believe me
your memory will carry on
you'll carry on
and in my heart i can't contain it
the end of world is waiting

your romances you reel in from decimated dreams
your misery and hate will kill us all!
so paint it black and take it back
and let's shout aloud at prayer!
defy unto the end we hear the call!

so carry on
we'll carry on
and though your singing, god believe me
your memory will carry on
and carry on
and though you're broken and defeated
your weary widow marches

on and on we carry through the fears
disappointed faces of your peers
take a look at me
cause i could not care at all

do or die
you'll never make me
because i won't
you'll never take my heart
and though they try
they'll never break me
they want it all
they wanna break this heart

I've been so stressed out lately. Stressed about everything possible: college, friends, work, music, my bedroom radiator, my ipod, health, christmas, birthday, my parents, mike ela, italian class, my wardrobe, my lack of self-confidence, yearbook & graduation, and 'a certain someone'.



( we're still so young desperate for attention )




A horrible day.
& an even worse journal entry to top it off.

Acceptance broke up.



Jason left. Yea, Jason, the lead singer, my favorite one, the one who made the band what it is, left. Amazingly, this is worse than Kevin leaving the Backstreet Boys. It's 3000x worse.


They have a new demo up that was supposed to be on the new cd. But Jason's gone. That song won't make it on there. It's such a good song. I heard it before I knew they broke up. & I was excited knowing that they were recording more and it was coming out awesome, too. Aw, their new stuff would've been so good.


I know you don't care. You think I'm getting upset over nothing. Music is so important to me. This is going to sound stupid but.. Most of the time, I feel like no one wants to talk or listen to me, so I try not to get in people's ways and I just don't say anything. That's where music comes in.



The rest of the band moved to California. & Jason's no longer doing the music thing as far as anyone knows. They would've been huge. Jason's way too good to not be in music anymore.




^{© ©}
didn't I think you thought we were gone,
we were gone and on and on.
didn't you say that we don't belong.
didn't I think you thought we were wrong,
we were wrong and on and on.
didn't I hear you singin' along,
I told you the first time: trouble's on its way.

scotty doesn't know
lustra

scotty doesn't know,
that fionna and me,
do it in my van every sunday.
she tells him shes in church,
but she doesn't go,
still shes on her knees, and..

scotty doesn't know,
oh, scotty doesn't know.
so don't tell scotty!
scotty doesn't know,
scotty doesn't know.
so don't tell scotty!

fionna says shes out shopping,
but shes under me and i'm not stopping.

i can't believe he's so trusting,
while i'm right behind you thrusting.
fionna's got him on the phone,
and she's trying not to moan.
it's a three way call,
and he knows nothing.

we'll put on a show, everyone will go.
scotty doesn't know, scotty doesn't know,
scotty doesn't know..

the parking lot, why not?
it's so cool when you're on top.
his front lawn, in the snow.
laughing so hard, cause
scotty doesn't know,
scotty doesn't know.

Don't bother reading. Just complaints, obvious facts, dumb statements and everything in between.

Some people are reallyyy dumb. Had a bad, stressful, tiring day bt in a good mood. Not looking forward to becoming a member of the CVS crew. Adam, the manager, is hotttt stuff. HOT STUFF. Training tomorrow. Today's Law&Order night. Stabler rocks my socks. I love my creepy foreigners (sp?): Natasha and Duyen. My iPod and my phone died today. Heather shows me a picture of Mike, I state, "Mike's wicked cute." Heather replies with, "Mike's a f***ing asshole-Get over it!" in her bitch tone and angry Heather face. I want to punch her in the face. Nicky Carter gets cuter by the day. I want to marry him. He doesn't believe in marriage. I'm so un-Indian that my parents don't even consider me Indian. Ew, I don't want to be American. I don't understand you. I love random entries. I've been listening to 'You're Not Alone'<33333333333 non-stop. Went to my cousin's in Avon on Saturday. Spent the whole day there. Talk talk talk talk talk talk. I fell asleep, with Saosin<3333333333 on repeat. Cute Brazillian guy next door is the nicest person alive. YANKEES ARE OUT! There is one person I just cannot stand for unknown reasons. Lol, they're wicked nice to me, but I don't like them. Maybe it's jealousy. I want my own record company badly. I wish it'd be successful though. I don't have to become filthy rich; just good music. Channing Somethingoranother is not hot. What kind of name is Channing? Then again, what kind of name is Rajdeep? Extended homeroom tomorrow. I wish I was in someone's homeroom.

Nick Carter is adorable. Josh Hartnett makes me cry; He's just so unbelievabley beautiful in Pearl Harbor. His character def. adds to his cute innosence. There isn't one person I'm not jealous of. "They call me Candle Man, because I'm on fire." Wow, T.I. has some great lyrics. I wish my Daddy would go far far away. Kiss108 is playing the crap out of Far Away by Nickelback. Savin Me is 2347625987345967356983456793845893759235983x better and they didn't play it much. Gayyyy. Everyone's getting into Panic! now. But when I was ranting and raving about them a year ago everyone just dismissed me. It makes me sad, patheticly, to know that there are songs out there that I havn't heard yet that I absolutely love. My wardrobe is total hobo. No wonder why no one talks to me, lol, I dress like I'm poor. Shallow people should have some sense knocked into them. I wish my Mommy was okay. The stress, physical and mental pain are shaving off years of her life, and that saddens me. All I want for Christmas is a smidgen of hope. Sunny's mom can't make pasta very well. Nick Carter is perfect. Still havn't passed my Italian project in. Senioritis. No jeans, sweatpants, flip-flops at work. I might just have to quit. My phone won't turn on. I've been so energyless and tired lately. I want to do something fun with someone for a change. So tired of having no one to share the fun with. I look horrible in all yearbook pictures. I'm not even trying to be humble or anything. I really do look like crap. I take bad pictures. Well, that and I don't look good as it is. There is one picture that I don't mind. I actually really like it. Probably because it was taken last week. One more thing: Nick Carter is gorgeoussss.




&
she's just like him
spoiled rotten, confused by the lies she's been fed
she's searching for no one but herself
her eyes turn to green and she seems to be happy
and this time i think you'll know ..

you're not alone
saosin

that's just like him
to wander off in the evergreen park
slowly searching
for any sign of the ones he used to love
he says he’s got nothing left to live for
and this time i think you'll know

you’re not alone
there's more to this i know
you can make it out
you will live to tell

she's just like him
spoiled rotten, confused by the lies she’s been fed
she’s searching for no one but herself
her eyes turn to green and she seems to be happy that she is her
and this time i think you'll know

you’re not alone
there is more to this i know
you can make it out
we're not alone
there is more to this i know
you can make it out
you will live to tell

you’re not alone
there is more to this i know
you can make it out
you will live to tell
you’re not alone
you’re not, your not alone