rajy's journal ♥

HEY! I don't really update anymore, and I have a paper due tomorrow so this is a perfect procrastination attempt. Not much is going on lately. Basically, school is good, work is good, it's all good right now. I was reading my old entries today, and I had no idea I was such a creep. Lol, seriously here's the entry from exactly 5 years ago, freshmen year:


"im in 6th period right now n i'm bored!!!!!!!!!
i saw JOSH 2day at lunch he got a sub and a water from outside lol he is so HOTT!
i still hav my calculator n no1 has touched it but me!!
me n ashley saw him in the halls and she says "josh is hott" n he kinda turns around! lol (sry ash 4 hittin u!!!!!!!!! SRY!)
but n e ways hez ded sexee!
IM BORED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! computer sux
hey thanx Amanda, Karen, Jackie, and Ashley 4 readin my journal ur the only people that do!! u guys r sexy i luv u!!!
JOSH IS HOTT!!! I LOVE JOSH!!!!
hey vanessa ORGY!!! lol
hez sittin behind me right now lol
im sittin here laffin by myself n no1 knows y hahaha
" u 4got this" lol the 3 words he as ever sed 2 me!!
he is so f-in hott!!!!!
im cuttin down on my swearing in my journal entries cuz amanda sed i swear a lot lol
i have history next period---mr.terranova is crazy!! hez so weird
o n were playin a game-he sed sumthin bout a BOX lol zlatan
its 1:10 n im bored n theres nuthin more 2 type about!!
I LOVE JOSH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SHOUT OUTZ!!!
shout outz 2 karen!!!
KAREN I LOVE U, u sexy beast!!! lo
shout outz 2 amanda!!!
hey amanda ur good at that!!! lol remember that we were so gay!
SHOUT OUTZ 2 JOSH!!!
JOSH I LOVE YOU!!! JOSH UR SEXY!!!!!!!!!
I L O V E Y O U!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"


Do you think I used enough exclamation points? I actually though spelling like this was cool. That's wayy embarassing. Lol and who put shout outs in a journal? Josh is wicked cute though :)


That's all I got. This was my lame attempt at updating. So here's a couple random things: Colby O'donis' new cd is really good. I hate to admit it but the New Kids album is awesome, BUT that only because they've got RedOne, Timbaland, Nasra, and Akon producing every track. They Red Sox are heading to the playoffs and hopefully another World Series! & I apologize to all those who actually have read my pathetic, illiterate enties over the years. Lol and one last thing: I really want the 09 Civic Coupe, like sososo bad.

Yup, this car in my new obsession.

FOREVER
CHRIS BROWN ♥


it’s you, and me
movin at the speed of light into eternity
tonight, is the night
to join me in the middle of ecstasy
feel the melody and the rhythm of the music around you


ima take you there, ima take you there
so dont be scared, im right here
we can go anywhere, go anywhere
but first, its your chance
take my hand
come with me


its like i waited my whole life
for this one night
its gon be me you and the dance floor
cuz we only got one night
double you pleasure, double your fun
and dance forever


feels like were on another level
feels like our loves intertwine
we can be two rebels
breakin the rules
me and you, you and i
all you gotta do is watch me
look what i can do with my feet, baby
feel the beat inside
im drivin, you could take the front seat
just need you to trust me


its a long way down
we so high off the ground
sendin for an angel to bring me your heart
girl where did you come from?
got me so undone
gazin in your eyes got me sayin
what a beautiful lady
no ifs ands or maybes
im releasin my heart
and its feelin amazing
theres no one else that matters you love me
and i wont let you fall girl
i wont let you fall

I CAN'T WAIT
AKON & TPAIN ♥


i think of you
when the morning comes and the nighttime goes away (all day)
don't you ever think that we won't be okay (no way)
there is nothing stopping me from loving you
touching and rubbing and kissing and hugging you
what's this feeling taking over me
baby that's love and it ain't no stopping it
i don't know as far as the eyes can see
pick up the pace and it aint no dropping it
always forever i'll be by your side
you're my bonnie i'm your clyde
that's the way that its gonna be
i'm in love with you and you in love with me


(i can't wait)
sit down and talk for a minute
go outside and take a walk for a minute
it's you and me
(i can't wait)
sit down and talk for a minute
go outside and take a walk for a minute
it's you and me



(i can't wait)
i can't believe
that someone like you will love me endlessly (forever)
if this goes our way my love will always be (eternally)
you have set my mind my love my heart so free
together forever however just you and me
what's this feeling taking over me
baby that's love and it aint no stopping it
i don't know as far as the eyes can see
pick up the pace and it aint no dropping it
always forever i'll be by your side
you're my bonnie i'm your clyde
cause that's the way that it's gonna be
i'm in love with you and you're in love with me

do it alone
sugarcult<3

hello, can i say
that there's something wrong with this place
i've got time, just to waste
if you would be my new escape

so then i say can't find a lover
well there's no other way of pulling me under
cause it's gotta be fate if we're under the covers
it's all gonna be a-ok, a-ok

i don't want to do it alone
i'm beggin' you
i don't wanna do it, do it, do this all…

alone, we can dance
in your bedroom with no romance
i got time, just to waste
if you would be my new escape

so then you say won't be another
but you give it away cause you wanna discover
that it's gotta be fate if we're under the covers
it's all gonna be a-ok, a-ok

i don't want to do it alone
i'm beggin you
i don't wanna do it alone
i'll tell you what
i don't wanna do it alone

baby, it's fact
hellogoodbye

just in case they're wondering
they've got us pinned terribly
they don't believe our love is real
'cause they don't know how real love feels

you should know, it's true, just now the part about my
love for you and how my heart's about to
burst into a thousand pieces so it
must be true and they'll believe us too soon

baby, it's fact our love is true
the way black is black and blue is just blue
my love is true, it's a matter of fact
oh and you love me too, it's as simple as that
baby our love is true

they may say some awful things
but there's no point in listening
your words are the only words
that i believe in afterwards

you should know, it's true, just now the part about my
love for you and how my heart's about to
burst into a thousand pieces so it
must be true and they'll believe us too soon

baby, it's fact our love is true
the way black is black and blue is just blue
my love is true, it's a matter of fact
oh and you love me too, it's as simple as that

i woke up in a car
something corporate

i woke up in new york city
from my sleep behind the wheel
caught a train to poughkeepsie
and time stood still
she wrote me a letter from san diego
to qualify her luck
these flights connect through arizona
but i think i'll stay stuck
so here i am

well i woke up in a car
i traced away the fog
so i could see the mississippi on her knees
i've never been so lost
i've never felt so much at home
please write my folks and throw away my keys
i woke up in a car

i met a girl who kept tattoos
for homes that she had loved
if i were her i'd paint my body
'till all my skin was gone
she wrote me a letter
as we passed through rockford
she said she won't forget
maybe i do maybe i don't
but i know i haven't yet
so here i am

and maybe i could live forever
if not ever i had known
that you'd be waiting there whenever
i am all alone
but here i am

ready for love
casada

you took a piece of my heart
i never thought that this could fall apart
you said you fell in love
and this was more than i had ever been afraid of
another life
another happy ending cuts like a knife
another place, another time
another hand to touch, another sun to shine

you got me deeper than deep and i'm constantly blinded
i'm running around but there's no place to hide
i start to talk in my sleep, our souls are divided
why can't they forgive me these demons inside
deeper than deep and i'm constantly blinded
my heart starts to shiver for it was not enough
i start to talk in my sleep, cause our souls are divided
how can it be that you're ready for love

time will tell
a single day could help me break this spell
don't want to be alone
when will i be understood when is my kingdom to come
another boy, another life
another happy ending, and i'll be alive
another place, another time
another hand to touch, another sun to shine

you got me deeper than deep and i'm constantly blinded
i'm running around but there's no place to hide
i start to talk in my sleep, our souls are divided
why can't they forgive me these demons inside
deeper than deep and i'm constantly blinded
my heart starts to shiver for it was not enough
i start to talk in my sleep, cause our souls are divided
how can it be that you're ready for love

welcome to the black parade
my chemical romance

sometimes i get the feeling
she's watching over me
and other times i feel like i should go
and through it all; the rise and fall, the bodies in the streets
and when you come we watch you want to know

we'll carry on
we'll carry on
and though you're singing, god believe me
your memory will carry on
you'll carry on
and in my heart i can't contain it
the end of world is waiting

your romances you reel in from decimated dreams
your misery and hate will kill us all!
so paint it black and take it back
and let's shout aloud at prayer!
defy unto the end we hear the call!

so carry on
we'll carry on
and though your singing, god believe me
your memory will carry on
and carry on
and though you're broken and defeated
your weary widow marches

on and on we carry through the fears
disappointed faces of your peers
take a look at me
cause i could not care at all

do or die
you'll never make me
because i won't
you'll never take my heart
and though they try
they'll never break me
they want it all
they wanna break this heart

Acceptance broke up.



Jason left. Yea, Jason, the lead singer, my favorite one, the one who made the band what it is, left. Amazingly, this is worse than Kevin leaving the Backstreet Boys. It's 3000x worse.


They have a new demo up that was supposed to be on the new cd. But Jason's gone. That song won't make it on there. It's such a good song. I heard it before I knew they broke up. & I was excited knowing that they were recording more and it was coming out awesome, too. Aw, their new stuff would've been so good.


I know you don't care. You think I'm getting upset over nothing. Music is so important to me. This is going to sound stupid but.. Most of the time, I feel like no one wants to talk or listen to me, so I try not to get in people's ways and I just don't say anything. That's where music comes in.



The rest of the band moved to California. & Jason's no longer doing the music thing as far as anyone knows. They would've been huge. Jason's way too good to not be in music anymore.




^{© ©}
didn't I think you thought we were gone,
we were gone and on and on.
didn't you say that we don't belong.
didn't I think you thought we were wrong,
we were wrong and on and on.
didn't I hear you singin' along,
I told you the first time: trouble's on its way.

scotty doesn't know
lustra

scotty doesn't know,
that fionna and me,
do it in my van every sunday.
she tells him shes in church,
but she doesn't go,
still shes on her knees, and..

scotty doesn't know,
oh, scotty doesn't know.
so don't tell scotty!
scotty doesn't know,
scotty doesn't know.
so don't tell scotty!

fionna says shes out shopping,
but shes under me and i'm not stopping.

i can't believe he's so trusting,
while i'm right behind you thrusting.
fionna's got him on the phone,
and she's trying not to moan.
it's a three way call,
and he knows nothing.

we'll put on a show, everyone will go.
scotty doesn't know, scotty doesn't know,
scotty doesn't know..

the parking lot, why not?
it's so cool when you're on top.
his front lawn, in the snow.
laughing so hard, cause
scotty doesn't know,
scotty doesn't know.

Don't bother reading. Just complaints, obvious facts, dumb statements and everything in between.

Some people are reallyyy dumb. Had a bad, stressful, tiring day bt in a good mood. Not looking forward to becoming a member of the CVS crew. Adam, the manager, is hotttt stuff. HOT STUFF. Training tomorrow. Today's Law&Order night. Stabler rocks my socks. I love my creepy foreigners (sp?): Natasha and Duyen. My iPod and my phone died today. Heather shows me a picture of Mike, I state, "Mike's wicked cute." Heather replies with, "Mike's a f***ing asshole-Get over it!" in her bitch tone and angry Heather face. I want to punch her in the face. Nicky Carter gets cuter by the day. I want to marry him. He doesn't believe in marriage. I'm so un-Indian that my parents don't even consider me Indian. Ew, I don't want to be American. I don't understand you. I love random entries. I've been listening to 'You're Not Alone'<33333333333 non-stop. Went to my cousin's in Avon on Saturday. Spent the whole day there. Talk talk talk talk talk talk. I fell asleep, with Saosin<3333333333 on repeat. Cute Brazillian guy next door is the nicest person alive. YANKEES ARE OUT! There is one person I just cannot stand for unknown reasons. Lol, they're wicked nice to me, but I don't like them. Maybe it's jealousy. I want my own record company badly. I wish it'd be successful though. I don't have to become filthy rich; just good music. Channing Somethingoranother is not hot. What kind of name is Channing? Then again, what kind of name is Rajdeep? Extended homeroom tomorrow. I wish I was in someone's homeroom.

Nick Carter is adorable. Josh Hartnett makes me cry; He's just so unbelievabley beautiful in Pearl Harbor. His character def. adds to his cute innosence. There isn't one person I'm not jealous of. "They call me Candle Man, because I'm on fire." Wow, T.I. has some great lyrics. I wish my Daddy would go far far away. Kiss108 is playing the crap out of Far Away by Nickelback. Savin Me is 2347625987345967356983456793845893759235983x better and they didn't play it much. Gayyyy. Everyone's getting into Panic! now. But when I was ranting and raving about them a year ago everyone just dismissed me. It makes me sad, patheticly, to know that there are songs out there that I havn't heard yet that I absolutely love. My wardrobe is total hobo. No wonder why no one talks to me, lol, I dress like I'm poor. Shallow people should have some sense knocked into them. I wish my Mommy was okay. The stress, physical and mental pain are shaving off years of her life, and that saddens me. All I want for Christmas is a smidgen of hope. Sunny's mom can't make pasta very well. Nick Carter is perfect. Still havn't passed my Italian project in. Senioritis. No jeans, sweatpants, flip-flops at work. I might just have to quit. My phone won't turn on. I've been so energyless and tired lately. I want to do something fun with someone for a change. So tired of having no one to share the fun with. I look horrible in all yearbook pictures. I'm not even trying to be humble or anything. I really do look like crap. I take bad pictures. Well, that and I don't look good as it is. There is one picture that I don't mind. I actually really like it. Probably because it was taken last week. One more thing: Nick Carter is gorgeoussss.




&
she's just like him
spoiled rotten, confused by the lies she's been fed
she's searching for no one but herself
her eyes turn to green and she seems to be happy
and this time i think you'll know ..

you're not alone
saosin

that's just like him
to wander off in the evergreen park
slowly searching
for any sign of the ones he used to love
he says he’s got nothing left to live for
and this time i think you'll know

you’re not alone
there's more to this i know
you can make it out
you will live to tell

she's just like him
spoiled rotten, confused by the lies she’s been fed
she’s searching for no one but herself
her eyes turn to green and she seems to be happy that she is her
and this time i think you'll know

you’re not alone
there is more to this i know
you can make it out
we're not alone
there is more to this i know
you can make it out
you will live to tell

you’re not alone
there is more to this i know
you can make it out
you will live to tell
you’re not alone
you’re not, your not alone

my love
justin timberlake

if i wrote you a symphony
just to say how much you mean to me
what would you do
if i told you you were beautiful
would you page me on the regular
tell me would you
well baby i've been around the world
but i aint seen myself another girl like you
this ring here represents my heart
but there is just one thing i need from you
saying i do

because, i can see us holding hands
walking on the beach our toes in the sand
i can see us in the country side
sitting in the grass laying side by side
you can be my baby
gonna make you my lady
girl you amaze me
aint gotta do nothin crazy
see all i want you to do is be my love
my love my love
and i know no woman that could take your spot
my love my love my love
and i know no woman that could take your spot
my love my love my love

now if i wrote you a love note
and make you smile with every word i wrote
what would you do
would that make you wanna change your scene
and wanna be the one in my scene
tell me would you
see what's the point in waiting anymore
cause girl i've never been more sure
that baby it's you
this ring here represents my heart
and everything that you been waiting for
just saying i do

running away
hoobastank

i don't want you, to give it all up
and leave your own life, collecting dust
and i don't want you, to feel sorry for me
you never gave us, a chance to be

and i don't need you, to be by my side
to tell me, that everything's alright
i just wanted you, to tell me the truth
you know i'd do that for you

so why are you running away
why are you running away

cause i did enough, to show you that i
was willing to give, and sacrifice
and i was the one, who was lifting you up
when you thought your life had had enough

and when i get close, you turn away
there's nothing that i can do or say
so now i need you, to tell me the truth
you know i'd do that for you

is it me, is it you
nothing that i can do
to make you change your mind
is it me, is it you
nothing that i can do
is it a waste of time

so why are you running away
why are you running away ..

I'm getting a T-mobile Sidekick. I think the 2nd one though; the only major diffrence is that the 3rd one has an mp3 player. But I have my ipod video. I'm not getting it until I get my job. CVS is taking forever. They've already said that I can work there on weekends, but i have to go fill out stuff. Not much has happened since my last update. Project Ruanway this season is not going my way at all. Allison, my favorite, is out and it's going around that the producers are keeping all the goobers and personalities on longer for ratings. Allison got into fights with no one; she was neutral to everyone. & she was from Massachusetts. But they let her go. I could go on and on and on and on, but you don't watch PR. Heather's my Project Runway buddy. I'll complain to her laterr. Anyways, I turn on my camera today and I find this picture. I have no idea when this was. My family's nuts on drugs. I thought it was funny though. They look like they're posing for myspace. & that's real money too. I'm not going to Canada. YES! Only my brother and sister are. The Sox are so bad. JASON WE NEED YOU! We really need him; he can have my knee. We're not doing so well in the Wild Card either. Well the game's on in a couple and I'm hungry. So I'm having a chicken ceasar wrap & watching the game.



you're falling back to me, a star that i can see.
i know you're out there. somewhere out there.
you're falling out of reach; defying gravity.
i know you're out there. somewhere out there.
^©©