rajy's journal ♥

i want this bag in black. A LOT. It's by Balenciaga and $1800. This picture doesn't do it justice. You just have to see it. If I had stayed at CVS it would be mine by now. I want a job.

I havn't been on LJ in forever. I think I still have entries from May on the first page. Classes end Thursday, and finals on Monday. I promise myself next semester I'll go to class-everytime. PROMISE. Other than that, nothings been up. My iPod's been acting crazy. Instead of coming out with the same mp3 player in different versions, they need to fix iTunes, asap. Oh, fun fact: I've been through 8 pairs of headphone in *07. My really good ones broke last night, so make it 9. This entry blows. I finally got my license. I'm such a scared driver though, so I don't drive. I think I should just live at the gym in order to get where I'll actualy feel somewhat ok with myself. And tell me how everyone at the gym is stick thin, seriously. Apparently, I'm shouldn't have gone this long without trying any drugs or alcohol. I should have atleast tried it, I've been told. Taylor's determined to get me drunk this year. So she's taking me with her to a Harbor Point party or whatever. I'm def. not going, willingly. Even if I do end up going, you know I'd do abs. nothing, and leave 20 minutes in. Obv. But I do really want to know what I'd be like drunk.







p.s. i <3 my background music. a lot. like, a whole lot.

there'll come a day
when you walk out of my dreams
face to face, like i'm imagining
how can I be sure
that you're the one i'm waiting for
will you be
unmistakable ♥

So everyone's been telling me stuff lately. Like top secret stuff. I don't know why, but it's cool.

1. "friends"
I know who the most disliked person in our group of "friends" is. I never knew how much these people, called her friends, absolutely can not tolerate her. After a whole week of hearing these stories, I've come to a conclusion ---> We're not friends. Our group is ridculous. No one gets along. There's never a time when everyone's invited and everyone leaves happy. Never. Everyone keeps everything from each other. No one's going to come out and just say that they don't like someone. And the one who implies it is labeled as a bitch. Honestly, I only consider three people my actual friends. Duyen, obv. And then other two can remain unnamed, since everyone gets pissed over one little thing. Everyone's different now, obvioulsy we're going to clash. And thsi is not saying that I'm the perfect one out of all. Lol, who knows what everyone says about me. As far as I know, I could be the douche bag Karen of the group (DANE COOK<3), aka the Amanda Schena. Jeeeeez, i'm a bitchhh todayy.

2. abortion
Someone got an abortion. And I know who it is. And no one else does, or is supposed to anyway. And everyone knows her.

3. crushes
Yea so I've been talking to this one person, A LOT. About abs. everything. She likes this one person. And she only told like 3 people. And I'm one of them. That's cool. And it's good too, not like my crushes. Lol, not those pathetic ones, it's juicy. When they start going out it's going to be like, "where did this come from!?" AND I KNOW!

4. let's just skip this one. you really don't want to know.

So my stupid reason for updating was..a while ago someone said that they heard I can not keep secrets. Yea, and I was pissed. Ugh, i've been so paranoid about that since. It really pissed me off though. Because she didn't even know me. She heard from a friend, who just happened to want to kill me at that time. So, yes I can.

stuff I feel like bragging about today.
We're getting field box seats for Yankees/Sox. Tickets on sale tomorrow! After working for three months, I've saved $1,756.32. My iPod<3 had 4GB out of 30GB left. And that's about it.

stuff that stresses me out, but shouldn't
Work 12-9 Saturday. Ew. No Dave, No Kay. Going to suck. Got my eyebrows done today, after 6 weeks. They were repulsive. You can imagine. So they'll stay all nice until tomorrow night. Lol, ew and i'm serious too. No hot water as of tonight. I left my house this morning at 7:45 and got home at 9:30 to find the hot water doesn't really come out hot. It's colder than cold. Sucks, because I like to shower.

Thursday
Went out with Natasha and Duyen. So much fun. End of story.

Friday
Not much. Got really sick. Took some NyQuil, went to bed.

Saturday
Work! 12-9. Got up around 10. Got ready. Then spent the rest of my day at CVS. Lots of "fun" customers. So many people were pissed. Wrote a gazzillion rainchecks. Gave back refunds that I weren't supposed to. Sold stuff for less that I wasn't supposed to either.
Speaking of "fun" customers, guess who came in? You never will, so I'll just tell you. MS.AYOUB! I was helping a customer on the floor, and since it was wicked busy, I had to get back to my register. On the way back, someone in line says, "Hi, how are you?!" I sort of ignored them, becuase I was in such a hurry. I did manage to mumble, "Good. And you?" I look back to see who it was. It was Ayoub. Ickk. I didn't take her, Dave did. (who was a freakin mile away. He was on register 1, and I was on 14. Grr.) So after the rush, he was saying how creepy one of his custoomers were. I explained ayoub and how she's all wacky. And he says something like, "That lady, or whatever she is, was nasty. That can not be a teacher. Eww, I thought she was one of those homeless people who scrounge up just enough money to buy a newspaper and cigarettes!" You'll never guess what she bought. The Boston Globe. Ricola cough drops. Vagisil. EW. EW. EWW. EWWW. EWWWWWW. EWWWWWWWWWW. He hair was puffier and frizzier, if you can believe it could have gotten worse. It was grayish up until her ears. She looked like she had just crawled out of bed.

It did make my day though. It was funny. It was GREAT seeing her again! And it gave Me and Dave something to talk about. At 4:00, he says, "Hey you want a ride home. Oh wait that's right. You're not leaving until NINE! Ha ha. I've gotta go watch the football game. Have fun with Tim, and Barbara alllll niight." I don't think he's cute like at all, but it's wicked cute when he says that.

Sunday
My brother had a sleepover. Shoot me in the face. I hate Andrew. He smells. He smokes weed. He's wicked loud. But he's grounded, so he couldn't stay. Thank God.

Monday
Watched the Wedding Crashers at 2am, so I woke up late. Had breakfast/lunch. My brother's crew left for movie or a buffet, or whatever. I'm just glad their gone. And I have tooooonnnnns of homework.

I'm really bored. Can't Don't want to make it nice and flowy. Just blahhhh. HAPPY BIRTHDAY AJ! Guy update: Mike, still like him. That other one, not at all. The one from work, ehhhh havn't worked in a while. Science fair in 2 days. Have nothing to wear, of course. College stuff almost done. Italian is the work class of the day. Lindsay + Monica + Cobby going on and on in Italian = hellll. Maddddd senioritis. Physics is "funnnn". Me and Ashley did some reminiscing: Express earings, $20. Hot Topic bracelets, $8. H&M hair accessories, $5. Rave socks $16. CVS lip gloss $9. Bath&Body works antibacterials $18. Shopping with Ashley, Priceless. Russell Perters is the funniest. People need to start making good music again! My band is too busy to ever meet up. I guess that's over. Lol. Favorite TV show (SVU!) not playing new epsiodes ? Project Runway needs to come back soooon. House of Carters season 2 is on its way<33333. Being fat and bloated doesn't work. Jesse McCartney is wicked annoying. This is going to sound so unlike me but, I abs. love Justin Timberlake. And JC should make a solo record again, but Nick Lachey style. No Hip-Hop, Rap, songs about lesbians thing-just the pop/rock ballad thing. Recently, he's been wicked cute. Not going to graduation. My new shoes hurt. Memo To self: Sandels need to stop around November. Don't wear them in the rain. Or when it's 30 degrees. High School Musical's a good movie. "Patrick doesn't know, Patrick doesn't know, so don't tell Patty!"-Duyen.

Most Played Songs on Rajy's iPod:
1. the letter by: acceptance 976
2. you're not alone by: saosin 302
3. i got you by: nick carter 185
4. my love by: justin timberlake 160
5. this conversation is over by: acceptance 149
6. scotty doesn't know by: lustra 90
7. i woke up in a car by: something corporate 71
8. here in your arms by: hellogoodbye 70
9. do it alone by: sugarcult 54
10. tearin' up my heart by: nsync 53

For christmas we got my Mom a Coach bag, because she's been wanting to get one for a while. She goes to get one, then stops. You have to go to college, and gas is going up, and blah blah blah, so what am I going to do with a Coach bag. Lol, everytime. So we got her one. Soo.. I got my mail todya, and was looking at my bank statement. And freaked out. I only used my card once, and that wasn't supposed to come up yet. But it said i spent $700. Turns out it was my sister's bank statement, not mine. So I'm looking at her payments. And there were two from Coach. ? One was my mother's, and the other? So I went online to coach.com and put in her numbers, and checked out what she bought. SHE BOUGHT ME A COACH WRISTLET! I think it's ridiculous to spend that much on something so tiny. But I'll take it!

What a week.

Monday and Tuesday was a blurrr. But Wednesday was wicked long. Thurday, Thanksgiving/Birthday, was like any other day. Friday work. Saturday work. Sunday mall.


Wednesday Scuzzzz said the weirdest thing about me. And I don't know if he was serious or not. But I'm wicked paranoid so now I'm all worried about it. He said that first I'm an emo kid. Second, I'm a preppy. So then he combines it into a emo kid/prep. I'm neither right? Where is he getting this from. If he's thinking that, then who else is? Anyways, I got home and was supposed to go out but ended up falling asleep.

Thursday. We were supposed to go to my Aunts house in Avon, but it was rainy. So my parents said we'll chill at home. BORING. No one got me anything, but what's new.

Friday. Work wasn't so bad. The new people they hired like last week are cool. Rented Constantine and Syriana.

Saturday I was supposed to work 8-4, but someone switched with me. I work 12-9. I loved it. I did customer service, because tehy didn't have enough registers. That's the easiest thing on the planet. You walk around asking people if they need help. Or, you don't. You walk around and look at all the cool Christmas stuff. The people at night are so much more fun. Bob<3! Rented movies. Watched Shrek 2, because they didn't have Ice Age.

Sunday. CHRISTMAS TREE! Bought it, and then set it up. It's not fully decorated but it's up and running. You should come see it. Oh wait, I'll just take a picture. Be right back .. MY TREE.


I have to do 4 essays by Wednesday. And I have to take my pictures Tuesday. I havn't started anything for college. I have nothing. I have to do my college essay, too. Recommendations? NONE. Not looking forward to this week at all.

I've been so stressed out lately. Stressed about everything possible: college, friends, work, music, my bedroom radiator, my ipod, health, christmas, birthday, my parents, mike ela, italian class, my wardrobe, my lack of self-confidence, yearbook & graduation, and 'a certain someone'.



( we're still so young desperate for attention )




A horrible day.
& an even worse journal entry to top it off.

Everything's going wrong.


I hate life. I hate school. I hate everyone around me. I hate everything. HATE IT. HATE IT. HATE IT.

Don't ask what happened.



Not going to college. Working at CVS for life. Never going to get married and have kids. Being alone forever won't be so bad.





&
that's just like him
to wander off in the evergreen park slowly
searching for any sign of the ones he used to love
he says he’s got nothing left to live for
and this time i think you'll know ..

Don't bother reading. Just complaints, obvious facts, dumb statements and everything in between.

Some people are reallyyy dumb. Had a bad, stressful, tiring day bt in a good mood. Not looking forward to becoming a member of the CVS crew. Adam, the manager, is hotttt stuff. HOT STUFF. Training tomorrow. Today's Law&Order night. Stabler rocks my socks. I love my creepy foreigners (sp?): Natasha and Duyen. My iPod and my phone died today. Heather shows me a picture of Mike, I state, "Mike's wicked cute." Heather replies with, "Mike's a f***ing asshole-Get over it!" in her bitch tone and angry Heather face. I want to punch her in the face. Nicky Carter gets cuter by the day. I want to marry him. He doesn't believe in marriage. I'm so un-Indian that my parents don't even consider me Indian. Ew, I don't want to be American. I don't understand you. I love random entries. I've been listening to 'You're Not Alone'<33333333333 non-stop. Went to my cousin's in Avon on Saturday. Spent the whole day there. Talk talk talk talk talk talk. I fell asleep, with Saosin<3333333333 on repeat. Cute Brazillian guy next door is the nicest person alive. YANKEES ARE OUT! There is one person I just cannot stand for unknown reasons. Lol, they're wicked nice to me, but I don't like them. Maybe it's jealousy. I want my own record company badly. I wish it'd be successful though. I don't have to become filthy rich; just good music. Channing Somethingoranother is not hot. What kind of name is Channing? Then again, what kind of name is Rajdeep? Extended homeroom tomorrow. I wish I was in someone's homeroom.

Nick Carter is adorable. Josh Hartnett makes me cry; He's just so unbelievabley beautiful in Pearl Harbor. His character def. adds to his cute innosence. There isn't one person I'm not jealous of. "They call me Candle Man, because I'm on fire." Wow, T.I. has some great lyrics. I wish my Daddy would go far far away. Kiss108 is playing the crap out of Far Away by Nickelback. Savin Me is 2347625987345967356983456793845893759235983x better and they didn't play it much. Gayyyy. Everyone's getting into Panic! now. But when I was ranting and raving about them a year ago everyone just dismissed me. It makes me sad, patheticly, to know that there are songs out there that I havn't heard yet that I absolutely love. My wardrobe is total hobo. No wonder why no one talks to me, lol, I dress like I'm poor. Shallow people should have some sense knocked into them. I wish my Mommy was okay. The stress, physical and mental pain are shaving off years of her life, and that saddens me. All I want for Christmas is a smidgen of hope. Sunny's mom can't make pasta very well. Nick Carter is perfect. Still havn't passed my Italian project in. Senioritis. No jeans, sweatpants, flip-flops at work. I might just have to quit. My phone won't turn on. I've been so energyless and tired lately. I want to do something fun with someone for a change. So tired of having no one to share the fun with. I look horrible in all yearbook pictures. I'm not even trying to be humble or anything. I really do look like crap. I take bad pictures. Well, that and I don't look good as it is. There is one picture that I don't mind. I actually really like it. Probably because it was taken last week. One more thing: Nick Carter is gorgeoussss.




&
she's just like him
spoiled rotten, confused by the lies she's been fed
she's searching for no one but herself
her eyes turn to green and she seems to be happy
and this time i think you'll know ..

I'm getting a T-mobile Sidekick. I think the 2nd one though; the only major diffrence is that the 3rd one has an mp3 player. But I have my ipod video. I'm not getting it until I get my job. CVS is taking forever. They've already said that I can work there on weekends, but i have to go fill out stuff. Not much has happened since my last update. Project Ruanway this season is not going my way at all. Allison, my favorite, is out and it's going around that the producers are keeping all the goobers and personalities on longer for ratings. Allison got into fights with no one; she was neutral to everyone. & she was from Massachusetts. But they let her go. I could go on and on and on and on, but you don't watch PR. Heather's my Project Runway buddy. I'll complain to her laterr. Anyways, I turn on my camera today and I find this picture. I have no idea when this was. My family's nuts on drugs. I thought it was funny though. They look like they're posing for myspace. & that's real money too. I'm not going to Canada. YES! Only my brother and sister are. The Sox are so bad. JASON WE NEED YOU! We really need him; he can have my knee. We're not doing so well in the Wild Card either. Well the game's on in a couple and I'm hungry. So I'm having a chicken ceasar wrap & watching the game.



you're falling back to me, a star that i can see.
i know you're out there. somewhere out there.
you're falling out of reach; defying gravity.
i know you're out there. somewhere out there.
^©©