rajy's journal ♥

psych 101 WTF

I'm in psychology right now BORED out of my mind. This guy is a total joke. And this class is humongous. So I havn't updated in a while. School started obv. I'm usually wicked nervous the first week and soo stresssed out. This time I was just like whatever. This semester I do not wanna buy books. I feel like I never use them or even end up learning anything. Books are costing $440 wtf. And this semester I am driving to school and a pass is $325. CRAZYNESS. This guy repaets everything he says like 25353x in different ways. This is gonna be a loooooonnnggg 50 minutes.


p.s. forensic psychology sounds fuunnn !

We got our car today ! My brother totaled our other one, so we got a brand new Honda Accord 2008 Special Edition. I'm so excited :) I drove it everywhere today and put 20 miles on it. School's finally out. Got two C's and two A's. Never in a million years did I think I would be working at Home Depot and actually like it. I like the people I work with, especially this one kid who said that I am one of his favorites to work with. There was a whole other scenario that went along with it but, it's just one of those stories that you just have to hear-not read. It was really awkward though and I really like want to talk to someone, but I don't have anyone that I talk to about stuff anymore. Dangerous by Kardinal Offishall is the song of the summer right after Forever. Final Destination by Chris Brown is killa but it's only a leaked 1 minute clip. I hope it comes out soooon. The Sox game today was amazing. Coco beat up a couple guys. Manny and Youklis kind of fought each other. Jacoby got hurt. David's been hurt along with Daisuke. Manny's having trouble with his foot. This is traditional Red Sox. I remeber back in like 98, everyone after the All Star Game was on the DL. The list was like 5 pages long. I HATE my aunt. HATE! I've never been so frustrated with someone. I live 1 house away from Mike and I havn't seen him since highschool. I stil get this horrible like queasy feeling when he comes up. Last year, I figured if I wouldn't see or hear about him anymore then it would go away. But it's like not. The EHS graduation was today. My parents were more excited that Sunny was graduated than they were for mine. They wanted to go. wtf? They had to go to my cousin's birthday so they couldn't even bother to drop me off at the stadium, let alone go to the graduation. While everyone was graduating I was at a 5 year old's bday party watching the Sox game online. They were like, "Oh, there's a gradation today..? Who wants the slice with most frosting?!" Self-esttem is an issue that I will have always and forever. This entry has taken a turn in the opposite direction. It was intended to be a short little update. I'll end it on a happy note: Backstreet's on tour! & the Sox have won 13 straight home games! Peace out ♥

School and finals eneded. That means I can put over any thought of my major and classes for 3 months. I've been at work for almost 2 months now. I never in a million years thought I would be working at Home Depot, and never did I ever think I would actually like it. My brother totaled our old car, so we went without out a car for a week and a half now. It's coming tomorrow! We bought a brand new car. 0 miles. Well, actually it has like 10 miles, but it's an 07 Honda Accord, Special Edition, meaning it has 16" chrome rims and 6 disc cd changer, and 6 speakers. I'm so excited. my dad is determined to fix our '93 accord. It was a real good car, like no problem at all, in a decade and a half, but the engine is all crushed in. He said he'll get it fixed. He's basically offering me a death trap. I do miss our car though. We've had that car for as long as I can remeber and it was so sad seeing it all messed up, lol.

The past week has been really hard without a car. I hate getting picked up at work by my mother, I feel like such a little kid. They put me at the returns desk now. I HATE it there. That is the worst place to be. This one guy handed me 83 receipts and had 2 carts full of stuff. I don't understand why they put me over there. You can;t return a drill that you bought 3 years ago and doesn't work anymore. And I'm never a bitch to anyone, especially not customers. So, returns is hell for me. Today was actually horrible. I spent three hours outside in the garden. It was wet and cold, and the radio broke. It was the longest three hours of my life. It was so lonely out there. No customers, no other workers. Just me and the plants. But then they brought me in and it wasn't so bad. BTW, Mike in electrical is wicked cute. But they brought me into Returns. But no one came in for an hour, so that worked out well. Then they took me over to the regular registers. Alexis, booooo. No one likes working with her, because she's a moron. She does nothing but complain. So I'm doing my thing at the register and that kid that I was talking about in the last entry (semi cutie who trained me) was at the self-check and just kinda stood by my station for a while. So I said what and he said what and then I said what and then he said what. A couple more whats and he laughs and walks away. After the customer left, he comes back over and goes, "Can I ask you something? This is going to sound so odd..." So I'm like okaaayy, I was getting nervous. "Would your parents like mind if you were with some one who wasn't like indian.." something like that, and I was like where the hell is this coming from? lol I didn't know what to say, and it was reeeealllly awkward so I just said, "Uhhhh, I don't know.." But he kept going, and I just kept cutting him off with "I don't know". RANDOM MUCH? So then he walked back to the selfcheck, and I was like wtf? Where did that come from? So as soon as the next customer was done I was like, "Hey, we got a car?!" Just to like keep it from getting silent and awkwarder. So the night went on..and I was waiting to screw up something. Because, as soon as he shows up I'm messing something up. So usually when he leaves, he just leaves like he's the hottest shit at the HD. Today he was like, "Have a good night. You're one my favorite people to work with." Yea, compared to Alexis, I'm everyone's favorite to work with. "Are you working Saturday? Saturday night? Sunday? See you then."

What a day. So what's up? School and work-non stop. I never have anytime for anything. I skip classes to get sleep or to do work for other classes. I don't mind work, but everyday straight after school until 10:30 is a bit much. Today was the longest 9 hours of my life. There was no one fun there for 6 hours and I got yelled at. I didn't feel to well in the first place, and she yelled at me for the dumbest thing. Made me so angry that I wanted to cry. From then work went totally downhill.

I'm been really stressed out lately. I still have no major and try to avoid thinking about school as much as possible. I havn't even registered for classes becuase I have no clue what to pick. Well, this one kid at work is in his 3rd year at umb, so he's always talking about school and classes. When he came in today he was like, 'buddyyy you got to register-my friend registered 3 days ago and got either night classes or waitlisted.' Stressed me out even more. Now even if I actually pick classes, I won't be able to enroll. I just wanted to ignored it. But he kept saying that I had to register. So finally I was just like, 'why should I even register for classes when I have abs. no idea what I want to do? why should I even go to school next semester when I have no idea wth I'm doing?' And I walked away to take a customer. It was kind of an angry, but upset tone at the same time. Afterwards he was like, 'hey come here, buddy. you confused? need a mentor?' At that point I was really tired and stressed out and really did not want to talk about anything. He's a psychology major and works with suicidal kids and used to be a mentor for teens who needed any sort of help. I guess he was just trying to help or whatever. But I could never talk to anybody about anything that's going on with me. Especially not with a cutie at work. I can write a quarter of it here, barely, and that's about it. At that point I really wanted to cry. I was holding it in so so badly. I wasn't feeling well in the first place, I got yelled at, I was frustrated, and now school got me stressed out. It was like 7:42, but I punched out and left. As soon as I got in the car, I put my iPod on, tried not to but couldn't help but to cry. So I tried to get it out before I drove off, but it wasn't happening. So I drove away, speeding through Everett, running a stop sign and a red light unknowingly.

I am frustrated more than I could ever explain. I havn't gone a day this week without having 3 or 4 excederin or ibuprofen. Stress is taking over! It's driving me insaanne. I need a major or atleast some sort of direction. Atleast the others who are undecided have some type of goal. I feel like a big FAILURE.

Let's try this again. I update after a few months with a big long entry and end up deleting it. I'm going to keep this simple, short and to the point. I'm in school right now. Should be in English but I'm lounging in the Campus Center. Everyone around me is out cold, lol. So I started work. Dude, I am so overwhelmed. I was trained by this girl who was real nice on Thursday. Everything she did/said was contradicted by the guy who trained me yesterday. He was cute, but I am so confused. Today I'm going to have my own "workstation". (This is going to be a disaster.) I'm still UNDECIDED. I feel like such a failure. I'm more confused then ever, if that's even possible. And I've become wicked independent. I don't talk to anyone. It's school, home, cereal, work, home, some sort of dinner, shower, tv/bed. And in between is me and my headphones. This weekend we painted my uncle's entire house. He just bought a new home, so we painted every room in the house a different color. Fun, but I havn't had a break in 3 weeks. & This hour and fifteen minutes is the only down time I'll have until Sunday. Omg, I want to go to a Sox game so bad. I get so jealous of people who are going. I can't believe I've only been to one game. The Red Sox are a major part of Rajdeep, can you tell I don't have a life? Baseball season is added stress. I can't just like something and let that be it. I have to be be overly obsessed. I hate that about me. I love Justin Tiimberlake, but his and Madonna's 4 Minutes is GAY. I've never liked a Madonna song, I don't see the appeal. The Friday Night Boys are a good band. They're like hellogoodbye + guitars and drums. I'm in an odd hiphip and r&b phase. I listen to tpain, timbaland, and chris brown like everyday. The Used 2008 album, Lies for Liars, is awesome. Download it. I don't feel liek going to any classes today. I would've stayed home but my dad's sister is visting from New Jersey, and I didn't even know he had brothers and sisters til last week. And my mom is still recovering from her surgery, so home would be a bit chaotic. So there is one thing that's been bothering me. I try to ignore it as much as possible, but idki get like knots in my stomach everytime it comes up. 4 letters, probably the most used word on my lj, sounds like bike, lol. Idk but 'situation ela' puts me in this awkward type of vibe. I don't know why it really bothers me. I don't know why it's coming up again or what to do. Like I try to ignore it cuase what else am I supposed to do? I don't really talk to anyone and plus it's kind of dumb. I just don't know why it bother's me so much. Maybe if I ignore it, it will eventually go away. Maybe? Well, that's about it. We'll see if this entry survives until tomorrow. Not going to economics and then going to work-pray for me =)

I havn't been on LJ in forever. I think I still have entries from May on the first page. Classes end Thursday, and finals on Monday. I promise myself next semester I'll go to class-everytime. PROMISE. Other than that, nothings been up. My iPod's been acting crazy. Instead of coming out with the same mp3 player in different versions, they need to fix iTunes, asap. Oh, fun fact: I've been through 8 pairs of headphone in *07. My really good ones broke last night, so make it 9. This entry blows. I finally got my license. I'm such a scared driver though, so I don't drive. I think I should just live at the gym in order to get where I'll actualy feel somewhat ok with myself. And tell me how everyone at the gym is stick thin, seriously. Apparently, I'm shouldn't have gone this long without trying any drugs or alcohol. I should have atleast tried it, I've been told. Taylor's determined to get me drunk this year. So she's taking me with her to a Harbor Point party or whatever. I'm def. not going, willingly. Even if I do end up going, you know I'd do abs. nothing, and leave 20 minutes in. Obv. But I do really want to know what I'd be like drunk.







p.s. i <3 my background music. a lot. like, a whole lot.

there'll come a day
when you walk out of my dreams
face to face, like i'm imagining
how can I be sure
that you're the one i'm waiting for
will you be
unmistakable ♥

Okay, so I was out of my "I'M THE MOST HIDEOUS PERSON ON THIS PLANET" phase. Now I was kind of in, "HEYYYY I'M NOT SO BAD." phase. Can you believe I called myself cute today. ? Well, doesn't matter. I'm back into the hideous phase. Why? Because I got my pictures today. I saw them and wanted to cry. Conclusion: o1.I'm going to shave my head o2.I'm never going to eat again.


Other than that major self-esteem killer, my week had been semi-ok. I asked Mrs. Cobb. YA-frickin-HOO. More people in the HS know my sister, than know me. She has more friends in the HS, too. Lol, pathetic much? ____ said hi to me. ? He hasn't said a word to me since last October. And today? I havn't liked him since early November anyway. Thanks for ignoring me the last 508 times.


Oh, and then there's Heather. OMG. She's screaming for attention, and it pisses me off. If she was in my place, she would have killed herself by now just for the attention.

Even though I'm soft spoken, I'm a charming person. yeeaaa =] Thanks Ms. Reis.

I wonder what Cobby's going to write (IF I EVER GET AROUND TO ASKING HER!) .. She is a good student sometimes. Her grades in my class are very inconsistent. But they never go below a C .. usually. Her and the rest of my class, basically worked together (cheated) on all the tests I gave. And even though up to this very day I don't know her name, she is an mediocre student.

Lol, she scares me. She gets mad and goes bizzeerrk in italian wicked fast. Cobby's with the MAFIA.


I couldn't sleep last night. That and the medicine I took was killing me. AND it was Monday. I was falling asleep all over the place. I slept in school for a good hour. I never sleep in public. I wouldn't want people seeing me sleep, lol. But I couldn't help it. Had my Nick Carter going, and I was ouutt. I would wake up with the bell. Rubbing my eyes throughout the halls. Natasha screams, "RAJDEEP, WAKE UP!" everytime she sees me. My eyes were all red, and I'd walk into class, "pssssttt, are you high?" Haha, yes, I, Rajdeep Kaur, the one who can't talk to Mike frickin Ela, is high.


New background music tomorrow. Something old school. Maybe. Backstreet<3333333333333333333333333

Had no work this weekend. But instead, I was sick. Didn't go to school on Friday either. I hate my sinuses. Lol. Still have to do my college stuff. ALL OF IT. So far all I've gotten is 1 recommendation. Not really, actually. It's still somewhere between Michigan and Everett. Out of the 50 teachers I could have asked in Everett, I asked the one in MI. Yup, I'm a dumbass.

Wednesday, we were in the caf, and Mike walks in 10 minutes late and says, "Did we sign in? Where do we sign in??" He seemed like he was in a hurry, and no one was answering him, so I said, "D'Agostino's doing it right now." Yes, that’s right I said 5 words to Mike. And we made eye contact. First time since sophomore year. It’s pathetic, I know, I’m still on this.

My cousins aren’t coming anymore! They’re all scared of the weather conditions. So they’re afraid that they’ll get stick and die somewhere. ( I love it that they’re not coming.) They had started packing and everything, and my mom had started cleaning every inch of the house. Now they’re not coming. What do you expect, they’re Canadians.





you're pulling the trigger-
pulling the trigger all wrong.
give me envy. give me malice.
give me attention.
baby, give me...a break

panicatthediscoislove.

What a week.

Monday and Tuesday was a blurrr. But Wednesday was wicked long. Thurday, Thanksgiving/Birthday, was like any other day. Friday work. Saturday work. Sunday mall.


Wednesday Scuzzzz said the weirdest thing about me. And I don't know if he was serious or not. But I'm wicked paranoid so now I'm all worried about it. He said that first I'm an emo kid. Second, I'm a preppy. So then he combines it into a emo kid/prep. I'm neither right? Where is he getting this from. If he's thinking that, then who else is? Anyways, I got home and was supposed to go out but ended up falling asleep.

Thursday. We were supposed to go to my Aunts house in Avon, but it was rainy. So my parents said we'll chill at home. BORING. No one got me anything, but what's new.

Friday. Work wasn't so bad. The new people they hired like last week are cool. Rented Constantine and Syriana.

Saturday I was supposed to work 8-4, but someone switched with me. I work 12-9. I loved it. I did customer service, because tehy didn't have enough registers. That's the easiest thing on the planet. You walk around asking people if they need help. Or, you don't. You walk around and look at all the cool Christmas stuff. The people at night are so much more fun. Bob<3! Rented movies. Watched Shrek 2, because they didn't have Ice Age.

Sunday. CHRISTMAS TREE! Bought it, and then set it up. It's not fully decorated but it's up and running. You should come see it. Oh wait, I'll just take a picture. Be right back .. MY TREE.


I have to do 4 essays by Wednesday. And I have to take my pictures Tuesday. I havn't started anything for college. I have nothing. I have to do my college essay, too. Recommendations? NONE. Not looking forward to this week at all.

I'm exhausted. I've been up and runnin since 7am. It's 10:30 and my day's finally over. Dead tired. So school was okay besides, "Aww, why didn't you dress up?!" Jesus, because I'm me and I don't want unnecessary attention. I'd be too worried about how dumb I look anyway.


So I was turning the corner and almost crashed into someone. Scared the shit out of me, ecspecially because they went, "RAJDEEEP!!!" And we all now by now who always says that. Yup. My day pretty much stunk aside from those 2 second pathetic moments I had with him. & Of course you'll hear about allll four. 8) (If you don't want to know or just don't care stop reading from this point on.)

1. We were walking, and just happened to be by his locker, and he says, "RAJDEEEEP!" and hit my shoulder/arm.
2. The hallway thing mentioned above.
3. So I'm walking after fifth period, and he's halfway down the hall, and he was talking to someone. I definitely heard him say my name. And so he goes, "Rajdeep, hi-five!" Oh, I hi-fived him. Next thing you hear him say, "OWWWWW, MY ELBOW!". Yes, I, Rajdeep NMN Kaur, can't even give a proper hi-five. Lol. So I guess he won't be asking for anymore of those unless he has elbow pads on.
4. He said hi after school and I held the door open for him.



Yea, I feel like an idiot. He does this to everyone he knows. I feel like an ass for making it seem like more than it really is. It's absolutely nothing. I'm way too tired to type anymore. All I can hear right now is the little cash register ding.

I was having a terrible morning. I changed my outfit 7 1/2 times. I hate days when I have abs. nothing to wear. Gay part is I ended up wearing the first thing I had on. So my pants were unhemmed, and I got them about a week ago but hadn't gotten the chance to get them fixed. I wore them anyway. Bad idea. It was raining. They were way too long. About 5 inches too much. & I left my house at 7:43. Not good.


(For the short version, skip to the bold.) I walk past the Ferry/Broadway intersection and am a little past that brazilian hair place where expressions used to be. I had to stop to fix those pants. I was pissed. Morning was not going well. And, to top it off, I got my hair trimmed yesteday, and they trimmed it too short. My bangs are too short and I abs. hate them. The shorter the hair, the more it frizzes. So it's raining and my hair is the frizziest it has ever been. So, I fix my pants and start walking again. I'm listening to my iPod (acceptance<3) and I hear someone's voice. At this point I was having a horrible morning that every little thing would piss me off. I'm thinking to myself, "Jeeeez, how loud are you that I can hear you through my ipod?! GRRRR!" I turn around and it's you know who. Yea. Apparently he was saying, "RAJDEEEEEP. Good morning!" So we talk for about 2 minutes. Then for the rest of the way neither of us said anything. 9 minutes of just buses, cars, rain, and acceptance<3. I tried to ask him who won the playoff game last night and he goes, "Huh? What? oh, soccer?" Lol. I listened to my music, he listened to the radio, and we walked merrily down the street.



The rest of my day was blahh. Me, Jackie, and Scuzz did some madddd reminiscing. Eigth grade was awesome. That was the year before everything turned sour. Had a best friend, didn't care what people thought of me, no mike, no drama, tons of self-confidence. I always have the best conversations with Jackie. And, Dr.Boy's out for the year. They're looking for a new teacher for physics. There goes my A+. Hope he's okay though; he was a nice guy. Boring, but nice.



Work tomorrow. Ugh. HATE IT. Shoot me in the facciiioooo. Jeffffy won Project Runway. Love him, but I liked Uli's too. Hated Laura's. The Mets are out =(. I love my new ringtones: Justin, Panic!, Acceptance, The Used, Law&Order. Too bad no one calls me. Call just so I can hear it ring. =]

Today wasn't so bad. You know what I hate though, I hate that I don't see him at all. Not entirely true: Last week I saw the back of his head, and today I saw his foot. I have no idea what classes he takes or even which way he goes, so I can't even change my route. Lol. Last week was horrible, I hated school. It's not so bad. I was just having a bad week. I wish I hadn't gone on and on in my last entry. So I got lost today. I couldn't find 122 for the life of me. & I've been there before, I know where it is. I had to ask Mr. Nuzzolo and he was like, 'wow, you're a senior?'. Me and Zlatan watched Family Guy in our study. I had some stuff to do so he satrted listening to whatever. So he gives me my iPod back and I turn it on to see what he would listen to on my iPod. The Backstreet Boys? He was listening to Bat Country<33333 by Avenged Sevenfold. You'd never think that this genious would listen to Hard Rock. Apparently, he loves it. Speaking of music, Sugarcult's new songs is perfect. It's called Los Angeles, and iTunes has it as the Single Of The Week. It's one of their best songs. I would put it as my background music but I just changed it. It's currently My Love by Justin. Even though Backstreet is my everything, I looove Justin. I'm stopping now, becasue if I don't I'll go on for hours.

Basically: School's okay now but I don't see him at all :( And listen to/download Los Angeles By Sugarcult.

I hate school. I really really really did not want Mike in any of my classes, escpecially English. & guess what? He's in Physics, Italian, and English. Ickkkkkkkk. I'm always worried about what he thinks of me, so that's why I don't want to be in the same room with him. But Duyen's in 3 of my classes, Amanda and Heather are in one. & Francesca's in Italian with me. Everything else's fine, I just don't want to be in with Mike. Anyways, I was headed to the 3rd floor and on the stairs someone goes, "RAJDEEEEP!" & the second I heard it I obviously know who it is; I didn't even see him there though, so it's cool that he saw me. I felt especially ugly today. Nothing was working this morning, I felt horrible, and it was rainy so my hair kind of frizzed. Maybe that's why. But the second I stepped into the school I felt discusting. I was having an ugly day. & I looked a bit homeless. Lol. My hair poofy, old blue jeans, faded american eagle hoodie and white shirt, and addidas sandals with white socks. I think I got fatter, too. I'm just complaining today, don't mind me. Don't feel the need to say, "aww Rajdeep, you looked fine.." I'll get over it. My day didn't totally suck though. The kid I like noticed me before I noticed him. I love it when he does that. Score! Oh and speaking of "score", Jackie’s birthday’s in two days & I know what I want to get her, but they don’t sell it anymore, or I just can’t find it. It’s an inside joke, but it’s something she wants, too. I have math with Jackie. Math + Jackie = one funny class period. Jackie goes, "RAJY! Did you see who was in there? Elfy! Omg, Shoot me in the faccioooo." Yes Elfy’s our nickname for someone (starts with an f and ends with a nell). She’s annoying, end of story. Well, that’s enough complaining for this hour. Oh just wait until tomorrow; I’m going to be a complaining machine.